A few weeks ago, my partner and I spent a lively morning chasing after our kids at a school carnival. As the hours passed and my patience for the crowds dwindled, I found myself reaching for my phone to check Twitter for a brief moment of respite. Just as I settled in, I bumped into one of my child’s teachers. With a gentle smile, she took my phone from my hand and gave a disapproving “tsk, tsk,” shaking her head as she gestured to the kids I should have been keeping an eye on. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment; my phone found its way back into my coat pocket for the rest of the day while I attempted to engage with the children, who were happily oblivious to my presence.
I tried to forget the encounter until I stumbled upon a heartfelt post titled “Dear Mom on the iPhone.” It began with a sentiment I know all too well: “I see you over there on the bench, scrolling through your phone. It’s nice to take a break while your kids enjoy the sunshine, isn’t it? You’re doing a fantastic job raising them, teaching them manners, and instilling responsibility.” But the post continued to highlight what I was supposedly missing: my daughter twirling in her dress, glancing back to see if I was watching. It lamented the moments that slip away while a mother is distracted by technology, painting a picture of neglect.
I can relate—I’m often that mom at the park with my phone in hand, the one who gets side-eyed and critiqued. Whether at the playground, a birthday party, or an indoor play zone, my kids are usually entertained, and I find myself entertained too. But does that make me a bad mother? I argue the opposite.
Taking a moment to scroll through social media helps me recharge and keeps my sense of humor intact amid the chaos of parenting. It’s like a breather for a mom who sometimes feels overwhelmed. The laughter that follows a mishap, like my child covering themselves in permanent marker, is often shared and amplified by friends online, turning a potential stressor into a funny story. Having that connection at the tip of my fingers is invaluable.
As someone who works from home, I have the privilege of flexibility—picking my kids up from school and spending time with them in the afternoons. If that means answering emails while they’re occupied, I see that as a win, not a loss. Would it really be better for me to have a traditional job and leave them with a nanny all day?
Moreover, being on my phone while the kids play in public spaces often allows me to be more present when we’re home alone together. Perhaps I’m on my device to avoid the judgment of other parents, especially those who seem eager to critique.
I’ll never claim to be a perfect mom; I have my stellar moments and those that leave much to be desired, often occurring in quick succession. My goals are simple: to ensure my children feel loved and to foster more proud parenting moments than regrettable ones. The idea that I should be glued to my kids’ every move 24/7 doesn’t serve anyone, least of all them.
A fleeting moment of judgment at the park or a restaurant hardly tells the whole story of any family. It’s unrealistic to expect any parent to maintain constant vigilance, especially at social events like bounce houses, where kids are bouncing around for hours.
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In summary, while it’s easy to judge a mother for spending time on her phone, it’s vital to remember that everyone has their own way of coping and connecting. Finding a balance between technology and quality time with children is a personal journey, and what works for one family may not work for another.