Parenting Insights by Jake Carter
Updated: March 9, 2017 | Originally Published: Dec. 8, 2013
On May 30, 2014, I received the life-altering news that I had Stage 4 lung cancer. For those in my situation, the average life expectancy hovers around a year, with treatments primarily focused on making that time more comfortable. While there are potential experimental options on the horizon, I have a clear sense of my reality.
Flashback to the summer of 2010, when my family and I were having a blast at Bethany Beach. Everyone was enjoying themselves—building sandcastles, splashing in the waves, and soaking up the sun. Everyone, that is, except for me, the ever-anxious individual. With hundreds of unread emails and countless blog ideas swirling in my mind, I found it hard to relax amidst all that sand and the lack of coffee. I attempted to mask my discomfort, but it was apparent to those around me that I wasn’t fully present.
It wasn’t until the drive back home that a revelation struck me. I realized I had been missing the joy of the moment, experiencing a tragedy of sorts: I was living a beautiful life without even recognizing it. That day marked a turning point; once I acknowledged this, I started to find Heaven in every moment.
This shift transformed my existence from a living Hell—where I was perpetually behind, unhappy, and unfulfilled—into a living Heaven. I learned to appreciate what I had, even amidst my desires for more.
I found Heaven during long car rides with my kids. Instead of dreading those daily commutes, I embraced them as opportunities to connect. We’d share stories, introduce each other to new music, and engage in meaningful conversations about our values and random musings.
I also discovered Heaven on the floor of a basketball court, waiting for my daughter to finish preschool. Those afternoons spent playing games, creating imaginary scenarios, and sharing laughter with her are treasured memories that will stay with me forever. Our fun, silly games, like “Going to the birthday party,” and simply rolling a ball to each other made those moments priceless.
However, even the happiest experiences come with their challenges. We moved into a beautiful new home in March, a place where my children will grow and create lasting memories. It fills me with joy, yet also a deep sadness. I’ve had the privilege of living a fulfilling life, but what I long for the most is to witness my kids grow up.
I’ve raised happy children—sure, they have their moments of whining—but overall, they’re my greatest achievement: two loving, intelligent, and joyful kids. It pains me to think about them growing up without me. I want to be there to nurture their happiness and support my wife, who deserves all the joy in the world.
Acceptance and sadness can coexist. I recognize that life is finite and that my time may be short. Yet, I also understand that I’ve been fortunate beyond measure, surrounded by love from my wife and my children, who amaze me daily.
So, should I lament my fate? Should I question, “Why me?” Or should I embrace the reality that even in my sadness, I’m savoring life to the fullest?
As I navigate the uncertain months ahead, one thing is clear: I am incredibly blessed to have been loved so deeply.
Please take a moment to connect with my daughter, who can be shy. When you see her playing alone, don’t hesitate—join her. She needs your companionship. And my son, sensitive and thoughtful, deserves your full attention. Every word you say matters to him, so nurture his curious mind and treat him with the respect he deserves. Lastly, please support my wife. She’s always striving to handle everything herself, but remind her to relax and enjoy life. She’s an extraordinary person, and I want her to thrive.
In March 2015, I passed away from terminal lung cancer at the age of 42, but my legacy lives on through my family.
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Summary
Life can be a blend of joy and sadness, filled with moments of Heaven on Earth. Embracing these moments, whether in a car ride or on a basketball court, helps us appreciate the beauty around us. It’s essential to connect with loved ones and support one another, especially during challenging times.