Everywhere we go, my delightful three-year-old daughter, Lily, who has Down syndrome, lights up the room. It’s wonderful how people take a moment to greet her and share their affection. But sometimes, well-meaning individuals say things that leave me feeling a bit frustrated. While I appreciate their kindness, there are certain compliments that I think should be reconsidered.
- “Children with Down syndrome are a special blessing.” While this sentiment has truth, I hear it so frequently that it starts to feel cliché. Often, this is said in front of my other children, and I find myself wanting to whisper to them, “Did you catch that? Just kids without Down syndrome. How unfair!” All children are blessings in their own right. By elevating kids with Down syndrome, it can inadvertently create a divide, making it harder for me to express that Lily can be just as challenging as any other toddler.
- “She’s so cheerful and easygoing all the time!” Sure, Lily has a joyful spirit, but so do many of my other children. The stereotype that individuals with Down syndrome are perpetually happy overlooks the fact that they can experience the full range of emotions. Lily throws tantrums, explores everything, and can get quite upset, just like any other two-year-old. A friend of mine humorously pointed out, “Having Down syndrome doesn’t mean she’s devoid of strong opinions!”
- “She hardly looks like she has Down syndrome!” Actually, Lily does have physical traits associated with Down syndrome, like almond-shaped eyes and unique facial features. When someone says she doesn’t look like she has it, it feels like they’re implying that her beauty is somehow separate from her chromosomal makeup. I want people to simply see Lily for who she is, rather than comparing her to a standard.
- “Just think! You’ll have a child who stays young forever!” This is misleading. Adults with Down syndrome grow and develop like anyone else. They have their own lives, experiences, and milestones. As a parent, I look forward to seeing Lily grow into her own person. I want her to be independent and thrive, not remain a child forever.
- “I could never handle what you do! You’re amazing!” This compliment is often more about the giver than the recipient. It places me on an unrealistic pedestal that I can’t possibly maintain. Every parent faces their unique challenges, and you never know what you can handle until you’re in the situation. I’m just a regular mom navigating an extraordinary journey with love and determination.
While I appreciate the goodwill behind these comments, it’s important to understand that children with Down syndrome are more than their diagnosis. They are individuals with their own personalities and experiences. I’d prefer people acknowledge Lily as she is—simply my beautiful daughter.
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In summary, while compliments come from a good place, it’s essential to recognize the individuality of children with Down syndrome and to avoid phrases that may unintentionally create separation or misunderstanding.