The Nine Stages of Navigating a Mom Cold

Updated: Aug. 3, 2016

Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2013

We all know about the infamous Man Cold, right? You know, when grown men turn into whiny toddlers at the slightest sniffle? Well, as a mom, I confess to having succumbed to a Man Cold more than once. When illness strikes my household, I often find myself juggling the roles of caretaker, nurse, and housekeeper, even when I’m the one feeling the worst.

The Mom Cold comes with its own unique set of challenges, encapsulated in nine distinct stages. Here’s a handy guide to help you weather the storm that’s bound to hit:

Stage One: Whining

It starts innocuously enough with requests for a tissue or some soup. But soon, the whining escalates to complaints about the softness of the tissues or the flavor of the medicine—of course, grape is unacceptable when cherry is the desired choice!

Stage Two: Runny Noses and Fevers

As you scramble to find comforting remedies, you hear a nose blowing. You freeze, realizing you’re holding the tissues. You rush to the living room to find your little one using his shirt as a tissue. Meanwhile, you begin to feel chills and a sense of dread. Congratulations! You now have a fever.

Stage Three: Comfort

This is the moment when you throw caution to the wind regarding the cleanliness of your home. You dress everyone in cozy pajamas, gather tissues, popsicles, and the TV remote. Just as you’re about to sink into the couch, you hear, “Mom, my tummy hurts,” followed by the unmistakable sound of vomit. Quick, call the pediatrician and prepare for a long hold.

Stage Four: Meds

It’s still too early for another dose of Tylenol, and you wish for a quick escape to dreamland. Instead, you whip up some broth and grab warm packs, only to return to find the kids squabbling over the remote. Your head starts to throb, and you can feel a cough creeping in.

Stage Five: What Was I Doing?

Your kids are sneezing and coughing uncontrollably, and you can’t remember if you were headed to the bathroom or the kitchen. You’ve officially entered a state of delirium and exhaustion. Congratulations! It’s time to attempt lunch.

Stage Six: Feed A Cold, Starve A Fever, Right?

With all the complaints, you can’t keep track of lunch requests. You mutter under your breath about not being a short-order cook as you navigate the fridge for cheese and leftover stew. After preparing a hearty meal, your kids declare they actually want more popsicles instead.

Stage Seven: Lost Voices & Hot Toddies

Your voice disappears, which is probably for the best since all you want to do is yell at everyone for using your robe as a tissue and for their sudden bursts of energy while you’re ready to collapse. Motherhood really is a blessing, huh?

Stage Eight: Sleep

After a day filled with PBS Kids, junk food, and pleading for silence, the kids are finally ready for bed. You collapse at the foot of one child’s bed, only to start snoring, which wakes them up. Now they’re wide awake while you consider the merits of boarding school.

Stage Nine: On The Mend

Despite the chaos, you somehow emerge from the Mom Cold. Everyone is alive, no one is contagious, but your house resembles a disaster zone, with laundry piled high. But you survived!

Bonus Prize! You send the kids off to their grandma’s for a few hours, allowing yourself a much-needed break to catch up on cleaning. By “cleaning,” I mean sleeping.

And there it is—the nine stages of the Mom Cold. You’re a warrior for navigating the mayhem that illness brings without losing your sanity. So the next time someone complains about their Man Cold, just chuckle and remember how tough moms really are.

For more insights on navigating family health, check out this helpful blog post and for authoritative resources, visit Make A Mom. If you’re looking for more pregnancy information, UCSF’s Center is an excellent resource.

Summary: The nine stages of a Mom Cold highlight the chaotic experience of parenting through illness. From initial whining to ultimate exhaustion and recovery, this guide captures the resilience and humor that moms display amid the chaos.