Just yesterday, I received a text from my daughter while she was at a sleepover with two friends.
“It’s so frustrating when your friend feels the need to one-up everything you do.”
I replied, “Absolutely.”
She continued, “She’s always doing these amazing things, has money for everything, and participates in so many activities because she can afford it. I hate being the girl with divorced parents and no cash.”
Hearing this made my heart ache because, honestly, I get it.
I texted back, “I understand. It’s tough. I don’t enjoy being a broke divorced mom either. I wish things were different. But try to focus on what you do have… like a caring brother.”
Her response was swift: “Yeah, but it feels different for me. All she talks about is her horseback riding, being on a national gymnastics team, and her beach house, etc.”
I texted, “Avoid comparisons. They only lead to feeling miserable.”
She shot back, “BUT SHE WON’T STOP TALKING!”
Yes, she really typed that.
I replied, “Share your talents—your singing, writing, stories, and grades. You shine from within. If she won’t stop, she needs to hear herself, you know?”
My daughter countered, “She has great grades, thinks she’s an amazing writer, and comes from a well-off family. What more does she need?”
I texted back, “Clearly, she needs to learn some humility.”
Right?
She added, “If my self-esteem drops any lower, it’ll be like sinking into the ocean.”
I set my phone down, reflecting on the complexities of teenage friendships. I recalled the betrayals, mistrust, and the painful feeling of exclusion—who’s “in” today and who’s “out.”
These dynamics are often a way for girls to assert control over one another. While boys hash it out physically, girls often engage in emotional games.
Soon enough, my daughter returned home and began to share her experience. Initially, her words were slow, but before long, the floodgates opened.
She said, “We were skating, and ‘L’ and ‘T’ were always together, holding hands. Whenever I approached them, they’d skate away or say, ‘It’s too hard to skate in threes.’ It felt like they were ignoring me on purpose!”
Tears rolled down her face as she continued, “They kept asking, ‘What’s your problem?’ I tried to talk to them, but they just brushed me off. I felt so alone. It was awful!”
I wrapped my arms around her, her black eyeliner smudged with tears. I stroked her hair as she said, “And ‘L’ acts like she’s the best at everything. It makes me sick!”
Now her sobs were heavy, and I held back my instinct to take revenge on those girls.
“I can imagine how hard that must be. It reminds me of my childhood when girls would exclude each other and write nasty things in bathroom stalls…”
“They still do that!” she exclaimed.
“I believe it,” I replied.
She paused for a moment before saying, “On the train, they kept moving away from me. They’d cluster together, and when I approached, they’d just shift locations!”
“Whoa!” I replied. “But remember, that behavior isn’t about you; you’re just the target for their control issues.”
Deep down, I felt her humiliation and wished I could fix everything for her, but I knew that wasn’t possible.
As she cried in my embrace, we talked about the challenges of growing up as a girl, friendships, and the infamous “mean girls.” Gradually, she wiped her eyes and even made a joke about her Goth eyeliner.
After some time, she got up and continued with her day. I sat on the floor, contemplating the conversation we had shared.
I hope I’ve been a good listener. While I understand there are two sides to every story, I wanted to tell her to avoid those two girls in the future. This experience will undoubtedly leave a mark on her.
I hope it’s a lesson learned.
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Summary:
Navigating friendships can be challenging, especially for young girls facing the pressures of competition and exclusion. Through a heartfelt conversation, a mother supports her daughter as she grapples with feelings of inadequacy and isolation caused by her peers. While acknowledging that these experiences can leave lasting impressions, the mother emphasizes the importance of self-worth and resilience.