To Be Naked in Front of Your Kids: A Yay or Nay Debate?
For me, it’s a resounding yay, while my husband, Mark, firmly believes it should be a nay. This creates a bit of a conundrum as we strive to communicate healthy messages to our children, all the while hoping we don’t unintentionally mess things up.
Growing up in a progressive Jewish household, I have vivid memories of my father’s big, hairy body—his small, sagging backside and stick-like legs were hard to ignore. Occasionally, I’d catch glimpses of him in the shower or when he was getting dressed. As a young girl, I found myself thinking it resembled an elephant’s trunk. Yup, it was quite the sight! I was grateful to have a vagina.
It was never a big deal in our home, but my mother often reminded me, “It’s just a body.” There were times, however, when she’d say, “Honey, put on some clothes. The kids are getting older.” With two brothers around, I became familiar with the male anatomy. I understood what a penis was, and aside from being curious about boys’ ability to pee standing up, it didn’t particularly faze me.
Then there was my mom. I remember showering with her at a young age, marveling at her womanly form and wondering when I would look like that. Reading Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume helped answer some of those questions. My mother didn’t actively choose to dress or undress in front of me, but I can still picture her in her white silky underwear and a strapless bra, patting her stomach and saying, “Can you believe this body? Everything sags as you age.” I thought she was beautiful, though I couldn’t grasp why she didn’t see it herself.
During my teenage years, I recall being mortified when my mom strolled around in a sheer negligee with purple flowers, sans any undergarments. I told her in my most dramatic teenage tone, “None of us want to see you nearly naked, especially Josh and Ben!”—my brothers. Curiously, they don’t remember that incident at all. My mom didn’t seem to care. Ah, that was my mother.
As a child, I viewed it all as beautiful, but as a teenager, it felt inappropriate. What was once acceptable became questionable, leaving me to wonder when that transition occurs.
Mark, on the other hand, came from a very different background—Christian, conservative, and the youngest of three siblings. Nudity was a strictly private matter in his family.
Now, as parents to two young daughters, Mia, 6, and Lila, 4, our differing views come into play. I walk around the house without clothes on, but I’m no exhibitionist. I don’t prance around naked while they’re awake, but I also don’t rush to cover up when they enter my room.
During a recent shower with Lila, our conversation went something like this:
Lila: “Will I have… you know, boooobs?” (pointing at mine and giggling)
Me: “They’re called breasts, and yes, you will have them.”
Lila: “Eww, I don’t want them! What are those round pokey things?”
Me: “Those are called nipples.”
Lila: “Oh, right! That’s where milk comes from for babies.”
Me: “Exactly—pretty amazing, huh?”
Lila: “Your tummy is big.”
Me: “Things look bigger when you’re looking up at them.”
When Lila commented on my stomach, I immediately felt defensive and made a joke, but then I realized I needed to be more thoughtful. If I dismissed her observation by saying, “No, it’s not,” I’d be invalidating her feelings. If I admitted, “Yes, I need to work out more,” I’d be implying that a larger stomach is undesirable, which could harm her self-esteem.
Mark, on the other hand, locks the bathroom door while showering, keenly aware of his privacy. He doesn’t want to “scar the girls for life.” I doubt they’ve ever seen him naked—just wrapped in a towel. While I don’t want them exposed to his penis daily, I also don’t want them to view it as something taboo. When I explain that “Daddy needs privacy,” they burst into giggles, exclaiming, “He’s nakey!”
For me, growing up in a more open household with more males than females, nudity, farting, and other bodily functions felt entirely normal. I wasn’t as curious about boys as my friends who didn’t have brothers or openly naked fathers. When my friends visited, they were fascinated by my brothers—studying them with wide-eyed amazement.
I can’t help but wonder: will our approach create a greater interest or curiosity about the opposite sex due to the mystery surrounding it? I wish there was a parenting guide on how to navigate nudity, offering the right level of comfort that allows kids to feel at ease in their own skin. Like many aspects of parenting, I realize we might not always get it right, but I’m hopeful this turns out to be a win.
Summary:
Navigating differing views on nudity in front of children can be challenging for parents. While one parent may embrace a more open approach, the other may prioritize privacy. These contrasting perspectives can lead to various conversations and experiences as children grow, ultimately shaping their perceptions of bodies and nudity. The journey involves balancing openness with respect for personal boundaries while fostering healthy self-image in kids.