There’s a constant chorus of voices telling parents they’re getting it all wrong. Articles, TV hosts, and parenting gurus insist we’re too lenient, which supposedly leads to more stress. I agree that there’s room for improvement, but not in the ways many suggest—more discipline and less tolerance for “difficult” kids is not the answer.
If I received a dollar every time I encountered a so-called “bad” child who grew into a challenging adult, I’d be rolling in it. Because bad behavior doesn’t just vanish; it resurfaces later in life when mistakes are made, even innocent ones. I don’t believe in bad kids, nor do I think most parents are bad. We’re all navigating a confusing mix of societal expectations that clash with our evolutionary instincts and children simply trying to find their way.
Disclaimer: I’m not a fan of traditional parenting shows. I firmly believe that the concept of “discipline” is often misinterpreted.
This discussion isn’t about specific parenting methods; it’s about cultivating mutual respect. “Don’t be a jerk” serves as my guiding principle, and I hope my children will embrace it as well if I lead by example. This principle extends to other parents too.
Respect matters more than agreement. I can think you’re amazing without having to share your views. When I see you struggling with your child’s tantrum in a store, my first thought won’t be judgment.
We’ve lost the supportive community to criticism and pressure. It’s time to reclaim that supportive environment.
So, what does discipline really mean, and why do we cling to it? When we think of discipline, we often picture a well-behaved child, in contrast to the kid throwing a fit in the candy aisle. But what does discipline truly involve? It’s about self-regulation and controlling emotions, something no child can do perfectly, and spoiler alert: we didn’t evolve to either.
Children naturally seek to express their opinions. They deserve more respect than they often receive—not in a way that caters to their every whim, but in recognizing their feelings.
This is crucial. Parents who listen instead of demanding obedience are often labeled indulgent. But there’s a significant difference between traditional obedience-focused discipline and those respectful approaches that prioritize long-term understanding over short-term compliance.
One reason we push for immediate behavior management is our fear of public shame. While tantrums at home are tough, they’re nothing compared to the pressure we feel in public. Humans have evolved to express shame rather than resort to conflict, which explains our strong reactions to judgment.
And judgment we face. Instead of understanding that children have strong feelings and need guidance, we often hear, “Your kids are out of control. What kind of parent lets that happen?”
Well, it’s the parent who recognizes that a tantrum signals an unmet need or an emotional struggle. Children aren’t bad; they need assistance in expressing themselves. They should be allowed to be upset about not getting all the marshmallows they want.
Let’s be real; I’d be upset about that too! I just have better impulse control.
If we want our kids to share their thoughts on serious topics as they grow, we need to listen to their concerns about the small stuff now. The blue sippy cup or marshmallows may seem trivial to us, but to them, these are significant matters. Understanding this perspective is essential.
It’s important to differentiate between acknowledgment and agreement. Just because we validate a child’s feelings doesn’t mean they’ll get everything they want. Respectful parenting involves discussion, compromise, and the recognition that love should come before judgment.
We all crave that same compassion when we’re struggling in public. The harsh judgments we make are learned behaviors passed down through generations.
We can extend kindness to those who approach parenting differently, just as we can offer love to our children when they disagree with us. One person being right doesn’t necessitate the other being wrong. We can still provide the support we all need.
No, children won’t always agree with us. They might yell in public and say they hate us. But if they can express their feelings about marshmallows now, they’re more likely to voice concerns about other issues later. Teaching them it’s safe to share their opinions sets the stage for respectful dialogue, whether it’s about sweets or more serious matters.
Goodness isn’t defined by behavior; it’s an inherent quality in every child. Kids will sometimes misbehave, just as we all do. Perfection is impossible. The mother yelling at her child in the store might just be having a tough day—she’s not a bad parent.
By fostering empathy through kindness and modeling respect, rather than simply enforcing obedience, we create a more nurturing environment for everyone involved. Children are capable of much more than we often give them credit for; the way we interact with each other influences how they will interact with us.
Reclaiming our community from judgment is essential to fostering a supportive parenting culture. We can work towards a better environment together.
Summary: The article emphasizes the importance of mutual respect between parents and children, arguing that discipline should focus on understanding and acknowledging children’s emotions rather than strictly enforcing obedience. It advocates for kindness and support in parenting, moving away from judgment and fostering an environment where children can express their feelings freely.