10 Awkward Questions Kids Ask About Their Growing Bodies

self insemination kit

I knew I was in for it. The signs had been there for months, and I could feel the tension building—The Body Changes conversation was on the horizon. Cue the suspenseful music!

Memories of my childhood come flooding back, recalling those moments in school when I sat with my classmates, desperately trying to appear unfazed while secretly wishing I could vanish into thin air. Just uttering the word “penis” sent half the room into a frozen state, while the other half erupted into fits of giggles and awkward fidgeting. Add a diagram into the mix, and suddenly, it felt like time had come to a screeching halt. I swear, I could hear the seconds ticking away as we all stared at those bold letters on the chalkboard, almost as if we were expected to take notes.

What even is the word “scrotum”? It just sounds unpleasant, no matter how you slice it.

Fortunately, I’m an adult now and no longer have to endure those cringe-worthy educational moments. My kids, however, are at the beginning of their own awkward journey. As a mother, my aim is to navigate this process as smoothly as possible. I’m comfortable discussing these topics, though we don’t exactly have family dinners dedicated to anatomy. When they ask, I respond with simple, age-appropriate answers. I try to talk about body parts with the same casual tone I’d use for elbows or knees, maintaining eye contact and minimizing the awkwardness.

Most importantly, I want to foster open communication. I’d prefer to guide their understanding rather than leave it to chance encounters online or playground gossip. So, in anticipation of this moment, I bought my child “the book” weeks ago, encouraging her to read it at her own pace. I promised we’d go through it together when she was ready.

One hour later, she tossed the book into my lap. “Finished, Mom.”

I braced myself for questions, but I definitely didn’t expect these:

1. “You know those pictures of how breasts grow? What stage are you in, Mom?”

   “The last stage.”

   “Um, yours don’t look like that.”

   What I wanted to say: “You’re right, kiddo. This is what four decades of life and breastfeeding do to your breasts. It’s a bit disheartening. Thanks for the reminder!”

   What I actually said: “That’s just a cartoon, and cartoons aren’t real. Breasts vary a lot in appearance.”

2. “Do you really need to wear a bra?”

   What I wanted to say: “Seriously?”

   What I actually said: “Probably not, but it’s considered appropriate and makes me feel better.”

3. “What do you call that stuff that sometimes gets in your underwear?”

   What I wanted to say: “Vaginal discharge.”

   What I actually said: “Uh, just ‘vagina juice.’” I panicked!

4. “What’s vagina juice, Mom?”

   What I wanted to say: “It’s pronounced ‘vagina,’ sweetheart.”

   What I actually said: “It’s pronounced ‘vagina,’ honey.”

5. My middle child chimes in, “Do I have a Virginia?”

   What I wanted to say: “It’s pronounced ‘vagina!’”

   What I actually said: “Go play, sweetie.”

6. “What’s a Virginia?”

   What I wanted to say: “Stop saying Virginia! It’s VAGINA!”

   What I said: “It’s a state, dear.”

7. “Why is it called the ‘Public Area,’ Mom? It should not be public!”

   What I wanted to say: “It’s actually the ‘Pubic Area’ named after the bone there.”

   What I actually said: “Exactly!”

8. “What does menstruate mean?”

   What I wanted to say: “Once a month, it feels like a hundred ninjas are battling in your belly. You’ll be cranky, have skin issues, and need to wear a special pad.”

   What I actually said: “It’s a natural process that allows women to have babies.”

9. “Does Daddy do it?”

   What I wanted to say: “Nope, lucky him!”

   What I said: “Nope, only girls do it. We’re special that way.”

10. “What does Daddy get to do?”

    What I wanted to say: “He gets to smile and have a penis.”

    What I actually said: “He takes out the trash.”

I thought I was ready for questions about where babies come from or how to use feminine hygiene products. Instead, I find myself explaining the necessity of a bra while pondering the mysteries of gravity and my own body changes. I want to convince my daughters that these changes are something to look forward to, like a fun celebration filled with unicorns, rainbows, and sunshine.

At the end of the day, I’m left wishing for a new topic and perhaps a slight upgrade to my appearance. Not necessarily in that order.

For more insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists here. If you’re interested in at-home insemination kits, you can find an authority on the topic here. Also, for more information about privacy, you can read about our policies here.

In summary, navigating the complexities of growing up can be quite an adventure for both kids and parents alike. Open communication and a sense of humor can make the journey a little easier.