Before I became a parent, the term “mommy guilt” was just something I would roll my eyes at. But once I had kids, it transformed into a relentless presence that could consume me if I wasn’t vigilant.
In my pre-kid life, guilt would occasionally surface, but now it feels like a constant companion. I find myself feeling bad for a myriad of reasons:
- I didn’t spend enough time playing with my children.
- When I did play, I neglected household chores.
- After cleaning, I hesitate to let them play for fear of messing things up.
- I kept them indoors on a beautiful day.
- When I finally took them outside, they came back with bug bites.
- I read more with my oldest than with my younger two.
- I struggle with being either too strict or not strict enough.
- I let them have candy while sometimes hiding it away for myself.
- I rarely plan educational activities, and when I do, they often don’t happen.
- I didn’t breastfeed for as long as I wanted.
- I worry my diet during pregnancy caused food allergies in my middle child.
- I allow too much screen time, using the TV as a convenient babysitter.
- I went shopping without them, despite their pleas.
- I should feel grateful to be at home with them, as many mothers wish for this opportunity.
- I yell more than I’d like to admit.
It’s easy to see how guilt can take hold of a mom. Friends often tell me to just let it go, but honestly, shedding this guilt feels nearly impossible. So instead, I’ve decided to embrace it.
To me, if I didn’t feel any mommy guilt, it would mean one of two things: either I’ve achieved perfection (which I know I haven’t!), or I’ve simply stopped caring (and I hope I never reach that point). By accepting this guilt, I can do two important things:
First, I acknowledge my imperfections. I may strive for perfection or at least project that image, but the truth is, I’m far from perfect. Embracing this allows me to focus on loving my children as a flawed mom. I can teach them early on that perfection is an unrealistic expectation for anyone, including themselves, and show them how to make amends when mistakes occur, as they inevitably will.
Second, I realize that my feelings of guilt stem from caring deeply about my children. If I didn’t care, I wouldn’t feel guilt at all. Recognizing this allows me to exhale and find relief amidst the chaos.
So when that familiar pang of mommy guilt creeps up, I plan to face it with open arms. I’ll remind myself of my love for my kids, commit to addressing one of the issues weighing on me, and then send that guilt on its way. After all, it will likely return before I even have a chance to turn around.
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Summary:
Embracing mommy guilt allows me to acknowledge my imperfections and recognize how much I care about my children. Instead of trying to eliminate guilt, I choose to welcome it as a reminder of my love and commitment to parenting, while also teaching my kids about human flaws and making amends.