Many people display “WWJD?” bumper stickers that prompt reflection on “What would Jesus do?” when faced with everyday decisions. Others have adapted this to ask, “What would Oprah do?” But for many parents, the question often shifts to “What would Mom do?” as they navigate the beautiful, daunting, and rewarding experience of raising children. We often reflect on how our mothers managed everything from the hurt of scraped knees to the heartbreak of lost friendships, and how they answered our endless questions about the universe, bedtime, and nutrition.
I find myself in similar situations, continuously pondering, “What would my mom do?” However, my response typically leads me in the opposite direction. Rather than mimicking her approach, I strive to create a different atmosphere for my children.
My upbringing was steeped in fear; my childhood home felt like it was lined with eggshells. Loneliness often surrounded me, despite the frequent assurances of love that were more conditional than genuine. My mother would say, “I love you because I gave birth to you, but that doesn’t mean I have to like you,” when I was still in elementary school. My father once bluntly told me on my fourteenth birthday, “I love your mother more than I love you – I chose her, you just came along.”
During my childhood, I often found myself isolated in my room for hours with little explanation, simply because my mother “couldn’t stand” me anymore. When I experienced the normal trials of growing up, such as conflicts with friends, her first response was often, “What did you do wrong?” When sickness forced me to stay home from school, I felt like a burden, as if my illness was an inconvenience to her. I believed everything she said; I thought I was an inconvenience and that I must have deserved the shunning from friends. It’s easy to think that mothers know what’s best for their children, but my experiences taught me otherwise.
Despite the challenges, I learned valuable lessons about parenting from my mother. For one, I now understand the significance of expressing love sincerely and unconditionally. I tell my kids, “I love you,” not just at the end of a phone call or before bedtime, but whenever the moment strikes – without any strings attached. I remind them that even during times of frustration, such as when they accidentally spill uncooked rice on the kitchen floor, my love for them remains unwavering.
Instead of wrapping my children in a blanket of loneliness, I aim to provide them with a sense of invincibility. At four and five years old, they should be encouraged to see the world as full of potential rather than obstacles. I want them to know that my arms are always ready to catch them, hug them, and offer comfort after a bad dream.
Maintaining open communication is another priority for me. When my daughter faces a tough day at school, I approach her with curiosity rather than judgment, fostering an environment where she feels safe to express herself. Together, we explore solutions for making better choices in the future.
Navigating parenting without my mother’s guidance has its challenges. At times, I find myself saying to my husband, “I want my mom. Just not my mom.” As my father wisely reminded me years ago, we can’t choose our relatives; we must learn to embrace both their strengths and weaknesses, taking what we find valuable and leaving the rest behind.
Perhaps the most significant realization I’ve come to is that the most important question I should be asking myself is simply, “What would I do?”
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Summary
Reflecting on my own upbringing, I realized that while my mother’s parenting style was not one I wished to replicate, it did teach me valuable lessons about love, communication, and creating a nurturing environment for my children. By focusing on unconditional love and open dialogue, I strive to raise my kids in a way that fosters their confidence and emotional security.