It happened once more. While enjoying dinner with my kids, I caught my daughter exploring beneath her skirt. “We don’t touch our bodies at the table, love. Go wash your hands and finish your meal,” I gently reminded her. She nodded, scampered off to clean her hands, and returned to her plate.
Young children are curious about their bodies. They explore without any shame or embarrassment; their bodies are simply fascinating to them. They aren’t burdened by societal views on modesty or sexuality. It’s not a sexual act; it’s just a part of their innocent exploration.
The first time I noticed my child engaging in this behavior, I hesitated. I didn’t want to react with a loud “No!” or “Stop!” as that wouldn’t serve any purpose. Instead, I reflected on how to approach the situation positively. When the opportunity arose two days later, I calmly stated, “Sweetie, we don’t play with our bodies in the living room.” It felt a bit odd, but it was true. I explained, “It’s perfectly fine to explore your body, but it’s a private matter. You can do that in the bathroom or your bedroom.” She smiled and went off to her room, understanding the boundaries I had set.
Thus, our mantra became: “We don’t eat in the bathroom, and we don’t touch our bodies in the living room,” evolving into “We don’t touch our bodies at the table.”
I identify as a “sex-positive” parent, but that doesn’t mean I discuss the joys of sex with my little ones. It simply means I don’t shy away from the truth about our bodies. As parents, we often tell little white lies—about Santa Claus or how long five minutes really is. But when it comes to sex, I believe in honesty.
I want my children to grow up feeling comfortable in their own skin, without confusion or shame about what their bodies do. I steer clear of fairy tales about where babies come from, opting instead for straightforward conversations about human reproduction. We explore books like Where Did I Come From? and What Makes A Baby, which address the full spectrum of topics related to sex and reproduction. We can discuss everything from IVF to Cesarean sections, while also acknowledging that, yes, mommy and daddy are intimate even if they’re not trying to conceive. And when they’re older, we will talk about contraception and safe practices.
Deceiving kids about sex does no one any favors. Telling them it’s “only for mommies and daddies” can create confusion in their teenage years when hormones run rampant. It’s crucial to communicate that sex isn’t reserved for love; it can happen outside of a romantic context, and that understanding is vital for making informed choices.
Sex is a natural part of life; it’s meant to be enjoyable. If it weren’t, humanity would cease to exist! But it’s essential to recognize that while sex can be wonderful, it also requires responsibility and awareness of its potential consequences, including pregnancy and disease.
I aim to teach my children that having sexual feelings isn’t wrong or sinful. It’s about giving them the tools to navigate their desires safely and responsibly. There’s a lot of debate about how to approach sex education. Some believe that instilling fear will deter kids from engaging in sexual activities, but the stats show otherwise. Regions with abstinence-only education often see rising rates of teen pregnancies, proving that honesty is the best policy.
When I say things like, “We don’t touch our bodies at the table,” I’m reinforcing the idea that their bodies are theirs to control. It’s vital that they understand they have the power to say yes or no when it comes to their own bodies. I don’t impose my views; instead, I guide them to make their own informed decisions about intimacy.
I teach them about boundaries and consent, ensuring they know their bodies are theirs. In playful moments, when they say “stop,” I respect their wishes. As we discuss pregnancy with friends, we introduce terms like uterus, sperm, and eggs. These conversations are usually brief and straightforward, but I know more complex discussions will arise as they grow.
Someday, we’ll tackle heavier topics like consent, healthy sexuality, and realistic expectations regarding bodies and intimacy. I’m ready for those conversations because I’ve laid the foundation. “We don’t touch our bodies at the table” might seem silly, but it encapsulates essential lessons on safety and respect.
When the time comes for deeper discussions, I want my children to know that we’re in this together. I’ll be there to support them in navigating the complexities of their choices. I want them to understand that while sex is a natural part of life, it’s crucial to approach it thoughtfully and responsibly.
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Summary
In navigating discussions about bodies and boundaries with young children, honesty and openness are key. It’s crucial to create a foundation of understanding regarding sexuality, consent, and safe practices. By addressing these topics early on, parents can empower their children to make informed decisions about their bodies and relationships as they grow.