Let me be upfront: I allowed my baby to cry. I won’t dress it up as “Sleep Training” or refer to it as “CIO.” My goal was for her to learn how to soothe herself to sleep. It was an incredibly tough decision, but it was also essential.
One December evening, when my husband was away on a work trip, my mom stepped in to help both me and my sleep-deprived child. This wasn’t just typical new parent exhaustion; we were in the thick of a brutal 4-month sleep regression (I still get anxious just thinking about it), and I was desperate for a solution.
Harper was a restless sleeper. It took her an average of two hours each night to finally doze off. She would often fall asleep while nursing, but the moment I carefully placed her in her crib, she would wake up, forcing us to start all over again. Once she was down, she would wake every hour or so throughout the night. It was exhausting for both of us.
Realizing we both needed quality sleep led me to a tough decision: it was time to teach Harper to fall asleep independently. I compared it to taking her for vaccinations—both of us would cry, but it was a necessary step.
On that first night, Harper cried for 25 minutes while I sobbed in the shower, feeling like a terrible mother for leaving her to cry. My mom reassured me that Harper wasn’t hungry or uncomfortable, just longing for me. My heart shattered, and I felt hopeless. But then, as if a miracle had happened, she stopped crying and fell asleep. Instead of relief, I was left with guilt, convinced I had damaged our bond forever.
The next morning, I rushed to her crib, eager to hold her and apologize endlessly. To my surprise, Harper greeted me with a smile. How could she be so cheerful after the night we had? She was happy and well-rested.
Over the following nights, the crying lessened significantly. Knowing we’d have to endure that first night again motivated me to push through. Each morning, Harper greeted the day smiling, and while we still faced tough nights, she became a much better sleeper overall.
Making the choice to let her cry wasn’t easy. Here are five reasons I ultimately took that route:
- We needed sleep. It sounds straightforward, but as mothers, we often put our babies first. I could survive on little sleep, but Harper needed quality rest, too. She was fussy and overtired, so it was clear she required better sleep.
- Co-sleeping didn’t work for us. In a last-ditch effort to help Harper sleep, I attempted co-sleeping. Families I knew swore by it, but it turned out to be a disaster. After an hour of rocking and nursing, I laid down with her, but instead of sleeping, she decided it was playtime.
- I missed my partner. Having a baby can strain a marriage. When your baby won’t sleep, your partner can feel more like a roommate. I longed for the evenings spent together, but my focus was entirely on getting Harper to sleep.
- I needed to reclaim my time. I love spending time with my baby, but I also value my own space. There are days I count down to bath time, knowing I can unwind with a glass of wine and a show while Harper sleeps soundly in her nursery.
- This approach was the right fit for us. I understand this is a contentious issue. Some may think it’s selfish, while others may have tried it without success. Ultimately, letting Harper learn to fall asleep was the best option for her. She was ready, and deep down, I felt it was the right thing to do.
As new mothers, we’re inundated with advice on how to navigate parenting, especially when it comes to sleep. Everyone seems to have the “right” way to do things. But what worked for us was tuning out the noise, trusting my instincts, and listening to my baby.
For more insights into pregnancy and home insemination, check out this excellent resource from the CDC. And if you’re interested in learning more about navigating your fertility journey, visit Couples’ Fertility Journey.
In summary, allowing my baby to cry it out was a challenging but necessary step in our sleep journey. By trusting my instincts and prioritizing both our needs, we found a solution that worked for us, fostering a happier and healthier sleep routine.