As a mother to an only child, I often find myself fielding questions about when I plan to have another. My daughter recently celebrated her fourth birthday, and it seems the clock is ticking according to well-meaning family and friends. I hear comments about the potential age gap or how my body might not be as ready for another pregnancy. If I’m going to expand our family, I should get to it—like, right now.
But here’s the truth: I don’t want any more kids.
Whenever I share my “one and done” philosophy, the reactions can be quite dramatic, as if I’ve committed some heinous act. “Don’t you want your child to have a sibling?” “Isn’t she lonely?” And, of course, “It’s so much easier with two; they can entertain each other.”
I understand these concerns; I’ve wrestled with them myself. Having siblings can be a wonderful experience. I grew up with an older sister who was my hero—our endless adventures brought my parents much-needed quiet time. There are moments when I watch siblings share a laugh or engage in a playful tussle, and I feel a pang of sadness that my daughter won’t have that kind of connection. Yet, bringing another child into the world solely for companionship isn’t a compelling reason for me.
Is that selfish? Perhaps, but it’s a nuanced situation.
Every parent has their own approach, often influenced by their own upbringing. My parents worked long hours, leaving me to navigate much of my childhood alone. My sister, three years my senior, eventually sought her own social circles, leaving me feeling somewhat isolated. Although I had a sibling, our relationship didn’t revolve around companionship; we were both busy with our own lives.
When my daughter was born, I vowed to be fully present in her life in a way I never experienced. I’m not one to hover excessively, but I’ve immersed myself in the joys of raising an only child. Recognizing that this is my singular chance at motherhood, I made specific choices I might not have otherwise made. We co-slept, I breastfed until she turned three, and I carve out substantial uninterrupted time for us daily. My focus on her has allowed me to nurture a bond that my parents couldn’t facilitate due to the demands of raising multiple children.
While my daughter may not know the closeness of having a sibling, she enjoys a unique relationship with her parents. Some might argue that being the sole focus of our attention makes only children self-centered, but I’ve seen the opposite in her. She radiates confidence and security, knowing she doesn’t have to vie for affection or toys. From a young age, she learned the art of sharing, understanding that her friends would eventually leave and everything would revert to her. This insight fosters a generosity that many of her peers with siblings may not yet possess.
Raising an only child has also allowed me to integrate her into my daily life seamlessly. There’s a certain freedom in managing life with just one kid. We share countless experiences together—she accompanies me to teach classes, attend meetings, or socialize. This kind of exposure has greatly enhanced her intellectual development, thanks to the one-on-one attention she receives. Her advanced verbal skills are a testament to her interaction with adults rather than peers.
There’s a distinct joy in being part of a small family, just as there is in larger ones. Recently, my daughter asked when I would have another baby so she could have a sister. My heart raced at the question, and I took a deep breath before replying. “Well, sweetie,” I began, “I’m really content with our life as it is. I love our little family and don’t want it to change. Is it okay that I don’t plan on having another baby?” After considering my words, she hugged me tightly and said, “Yes, Mommy, I’m happy too.”
Ultimately, the choice to have one child is deeply personal. Each parent must decide what feels right for their family. If you want to explore more about family-building options, check out this excellent resource: RESOLVE. And for those considering home insemination, the Home Insemination Kit is a great starting point. You can also find additional insights on this topic at Intracervical Insemination.
Summary:
Choosing to have an only child can be a fulfilling and empowering decision. While societal pressures may suggest that siblings are essential for a child’s development, many only children thrive with the focused love and attention of their parents. By prioritizing quality time and nurturing an environment of security and independence, parents can cultivate confident and generous individuals.