Originally Published: September 13, 2014
The age-old jokes about the decline of intimacy after tying the knot are well-known. I distinctly recall when my partner and I got engaged; his older friends made cheeky comments about certain aspects of our relationship becoming a thing of the past. He looked at me, one eyebrow raised, silently questioning. I shook my head defiantly. No piece of paper would dull our spark. We were determined to keep the flame alive. But then, we welcomed children into our lives.
The impact of childbirth was undeniable — the stretch marks, the significant scar from my C-section, and the extra weight I carried. Plus, there was the sheer exhaustion that came with caring for a newborn. While our intimate moments didn’t vanish entirely, they certainly became less frequent and more rushed. We found ourselves scheduling our needs into the calendar, which often felt impossible.
One evening, after a late dinner with family, we returned home around 10 PM. Our eldest had fallen asleep in the car, so we gently changed him and tucked him into bed. As I closed the door to the nursery (where the baby was also sound asleep), I turned to my partner and asked, “Got ten minutes?” He chuckled and replied, “Absolutely.”
In a flash, we shed our clothes and hopped onto the bed. Just as my husband settled on top of me, I fantasized that we had perfectly timed this rare moment for a romantic evening. Then, we heard our son’s innocent voice: “What are you guys doing?”
Oh no! This can’t be happening. Why didn’t we invest in some door locks? I felt my face heat up with embarrassment, while my husband stifled a laughter, burying his face in my neck. Great, I guess this was all on me. “We’re just talking,” I blurted out.
“Talking? That’s silly!” piped up my five-year-old. “Talking naked?”
“That’s us, just being super silly! Did you need something?” I scrambled for anything to diffuse this mortifying moment.
“Did I leave Mr. Bear in here?” my oblivious son asked. My husband reached over, grabbed Mr. Bear, and tossed it toward our child. “Thanks!” he yelled, “Good Night.”
Relief washed over me, thinking the awkwardness had passed. But then, he poked his head back in, as if remembering something. “You know,” he said thoughtfully, “If you really are talking naked, you’re doing it all wrong. Daddy’s still wearing socks!”
Once our son finally left, we lay there laughing uncontrollably. The kind of laughter that makes your sides hurt. While our romantic moment had evaporated, what we shared turned into something more genuine and hilariously real. We ended the night with a microwave pizza and drifted off to sleep. Honestly, it was better than sex.
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In summary, maintaining intimacy after having kids can be challenging, but it often leads to unexpected moments of joy and laughter. These shared experiences can deepen your connection, making parenthood a unique adventure in itself.