Just yesterday, I was at a swim meet alongside three fellow coaches. There was the Young College Nanny (YCN), who is 22, and a dad of three (D3) who’s around my age. While we stood on the pool deck, YCN casually asked us, “What do you think, what percentage of being a parent is frustrating?” I paused for a moment and replied, “At least 70%.” D3 chimed in, “But I’d say it doesn’t go over 97.5%.”
“Wow, I used to think I wanted kids, but now I’m unsure,” YCN said. And just like that, D3 and I felt compelled to launch into the obligatory parent pep talk about the redeeming qualities of parenthood—the 30% to 2.5% that makes it all worthwhile.
Reflecting on this conversation, I want to clarify my thoughts. Parenting is akin to an endurance sport—a grueling ultra-marathon without a finish line. It can be exhausting physically, mentally, and emotionally. There are days when the countdown to bedtime begins before the kids even wake up; truly, there are days when 97.5% of parenting feels downright miserable.
In fact, D3 was off—some days, 99.9% of being a parent is just plain hard. Picture this: your tiny baby screams endlessly for the seventeenth night in a row, and it feels unbearable. Or when your two-year-old has a potty training disaster, smearing mess everywhere, and thinks it’s a fun game. Being a parent can be overwhelming.
Imagine being only seven minutes into a workout when you get interrupted because your kid has been crying the entire time. Or when you enjoyed a few too many glasses of wine and your child wakes up ridiculously early, refusing to go back to sleep. Trying to write a blog post while one kid yanks on the mouse cord and another pounds on the keyboard is just a recipe for frustration.
And then there are the truly tough moments: when your teenager lashes out and says hurtful things, or when you’re helpless as your child faces bullying at school. Watching your daughter suffer heartbreak or your child wrestle with anxiety can be gut-wrenching.
In those moments when you’re completely drained, haven’t showered in days, and finally snap at your kids to be quiet, you feel like a failure. When you tell your child to stop a behavior, and they defiantly smile and do it anyway, it tests your patience.
Yet, amidst all the chaos, there’s that tiny sliver of joy—the .1%. A sweet kiss, holding a tiny hand for a brief moment, watching them sleep peacefully, or seeing their proud smile after achieving something on their own. Experiencing life through their innocent eyes during a thrilling ride or a magical holiday can be transcendent. Those unexpected “I love you, Mom” or sincere “Thanks, Mom” moments make the struggles worth it.
Even on the days when everything seems to go wrong, those little joys eclipse the challenges. Sure, the tough moments might outnumber the sweet ones, but they don’t outweigh them. That’s what keeps us going through the tough times.
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Summary:
Parenting is an arduous journey that can often feel overwhelmingly difficult, with many moments of frustration. However, the small joys—like heartfelt expressions of love and witnessing your child’s accomplishments—make the challenges worthwhile. It’s important to remember that even on the hardest days, those fleeting moments of happiness can help to balance the scales.