Parenting
When Did It Become Acceptable to Skip RSVPing?
by Jamie Collins
Updated: Dec. 18, 2023
Originally Published: Sep. 30, 2014
Let’s face it, modern etiquette seems to be sliding downhill. Blame it on smartphones, social media, or perhaps the Millennials glued to their screens.
During our last gathering, we sent out invitations to 30 guests. Two promptly declined (they were out of town). Among the remaining 28, 13 responded the day before the event to confirm they would attend, while four informed us they wouldn’t. On the day of the party, four guests texted to say they were on their way, and one even messaged during the festivities to say, “Looks like I can’t make it,” as if escaping from a last-minute engagement. The rest? Total silence. Maybe they vanished off the face of the earth.
This drives me absolutely nuts. Hosting isn’t just about having fun; it requires effort. I clean my home, hiding away all sorts of embarrassing items (good luck finding my prescriptions again). I scrub the soap dish and tackle the chocolate—yes, actual chocolate—from my toddler’s sticky fingers on the shower curtain, because, as my partner insists, you can’t have anything in the bathroom that looks like it’s smeared with chocolate.
The most daunting task, however, is preparing the food. I’ve had entire hams left over and legs of meat elegantly wrapped, only to watch as food disappears quickly because last-minute guests suddenly decide to join. It seems this is just how we throw parties in today’s fast-paced world—a flash-mob style of socializing.
So how does one navigate this RSVP dilemma?
We still want to gather and enjoy time with our friends, even if they can’t decide their weekend plans on a Tuesday. (I admit, I can’t either, often postponing my own RSVP.) But wouldn’t it be nice to have a sense of how many will actually show up? The loneliest turducken is the one that gets devoured alone for days on end.
To tackle this, I reached out to Ella Morgan, a culinary expert and the author of The Timeless Feast, who has a knack for hosting with ease and charm—qualities I’d love to emulate.
“First things first,” she advised, “boost your RSVP rates. I typically enjoy high attendance because I make my invitations fun and engaging. I create excitement around the event. It’s like giving a teaser for a blockbuster movie—raise expectations! Describe the menu, the bubbly drinks, and create an inviting atmosphere—sure, it might be a bit of a stretch, but it captures attention.”
Got it: effervescent drinks and lively ambiance. But what about the food? What about the leftover turducken?
“Forget the fancy fish dishes,” she chuckled. “In my twenties, I might have gone for that, but now, I keep it simple with easy-to-prepare options. For instance, I had a dinner party planned for six that suddenly turned into 13 guests an hour before, so off I went to the butcher for sausages. We still made the soufflés, which were devoured quickly, thanks to the sausages. I now focus on meals that can be frozen if leftovers occur, like braises or picnic-style spreads with cheeses and bread.”
Noted: stock up on sausages, hams, and snacks in the freezer. Maybe I’ll even plan a pulled-pork fiesta!
Lastly, I asked Ella how to handle the emotional turmoil that often accompanies the modern RSVP situation. She paused thoughtfully and replied, “If you find it hard to cope with people RSVPing last minute, it might be time to reflect on your approach. Life’s little bumps shouldn’t derail your joy. If you maintain a positive outlook, perhaps others will follow suit too.”
This article was originally published on Sep. 30, 2014.
Looking for more? Check out our other blog post at this link about home insemination kits.
For expert advice, visit Make a Mom for fertility-boosting information. Additionally, Cleveland Clinic offers excellent resources for pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, the decline in RSVPs reflects a broader shift in social norms, but by enhancing our invitations and being adaptable in our food preparations, we can continue to enjoy gatherings and nurture our friendships.