Parenting
By Lisa Parker
Updated: June 29, 2017
Originally Published: Oct. 12, 2014
Just yesterday, I made a commitment to myself. I decided that I would stop yelling—once and for all.
It’s been a solid 24 hours since I took this vow. In that time, I’ve been hyper-aware of every word I’ve spoken. This brief period gave me the chance to dive deep into my own “5 W’s”: the who, what, when, where, and why behind my outbursts.
The first discovery was about the “who.” Who was to blame for my yelling? My kids, of course! Or so I thought. But then I realized I had been playing a blame game. Nobody forced me to raise my voice; I was choosing to do so. I was giving up my self-control—no one else was taking it from me. A bit of a wake-up call, honestly.
Next, I examined the “what.” What situations lead me to yell? Well, it turns out, anything that eats into my time or money really sets me off. Like when powdered sugar spills everywhere—now I have to waste precious time cleaning up a mess I hadn’t planned for. Or when something breaks. A picture frame, a lamp, you name it. “Do you understand how hard I work for these things? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” I’d shout, often forgetting that these mishaps stemmed from not following directions. “If you had just listened to me, this wouldn’t have happened!”
The “when” and “where” quickly became clear too. The moments I find myself wanting to yell the most include getting into the car, mealtime chaos, and when I’m glued to my computer or phone.
Now to the most crucial of the W’s: the “why.” Why do I resort to yelling? Initially, I thought it was because my children were acting out. But that was a misinterpretation; the real issue was me.
I came up with three main reasons for my yelling:
- Laziness: How often do I shout for my kids instead of just going upstairs to get them? Or how about those times when they’re too quiet? I hesitate to check on them because I’m feeling lazy. And then suddenly, water is dripping from the ceiling. “What in the world are you doing up there?!” I shout, all because I didn’t want to walk upstairs.
- Poor Planning: When I fail to prepare, chaos ensues. If it’s 6 PM and I haven’t thought about dinner, the kids start complaining they’re starving, and I snap at them, “If you would just leave me alone, I could make dinner!” And then they go upstairs and fill the bathtub, leading to yet another mess that I’ll inevitably yell about.
- Unreasonable Expectations: With five kids under ten, expecting them to get in the car and buckle up in less than three minutes is simply not realistic. They need time and attention, and when they don’t cooperate, they’re not being difficult—they’re just being kids. So really, what’s wrong with them? Nothing at all; it’s more about my own expectations that need adjusting.
Starting today, I’m committed to breaking the yelling habit and instead focusing on understanding.
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Summary: In this article, Lisa Parker reflects on her decision to stop yelling at her children. Through self-examination of her triggers—blame, messy situations, poor planning, and unrealistic expectations—she realizes that the responsibility lies within herself. By fostering understanding and patience, she hopes to create a more harmonious home environment.