Just two months after I turned 40, my partner and I decided to stop being cautious. To my surprise, just 15 days later, I found out I was pregnant. “That was fast!” I exclaimed, unsure of what we had signed up for. I thought we’d have at least six months to adjust to the idea of expanding our family, and honestly, I wasn’t completely convinced it was the right time. But hey, cheers to my resilient 40-year-old uterus!
While browsing for area rugs at a local store, I felt a strange tug in my stomach. The next morning proved to be a startling wake-up call. After hours of waiting and an ultrasound, the radiologist confirmed my fears: “The fetus was likely not viable.”
Two months later, I found myself pregnant again, and while I wouldn’t wish a miscarriage on anyone, that experience taught me invaluable lessons that made me a better parent.
1. Relax and Enjoy the Ride
You know how people often say that relaxed individuals rarely get hurt in awkward situations? That’s how I approached my second pregnancy. The first time, I was a textbook anxious mom-to-be, drowning in books, vitamins, and organic everything. This time, I opted for a more casual approach, indulging in cheese and cookie dough without a care. I realized that if I focused on enjoying the pregnancy rather than stressing over every detail, it would be a more rewarding experience. Each stretch mark and all the changes were part of the journey.
2. Material Things Don’t Matter
My partner and I once invested in a stunning leather sofa that we wanted to keep pristine with beautiful throw pillows. Fast forward a few years, and those pillows are long gone, along with the coffee table, which is now our son’s train table. Our once beautiful couch is now a canvas for spills and stains, and I can assure you no interior design magazine would be interested in our home. But honestly, the chaos of family life is far more fulfilling than a pristine living room.
3. Embrace the “Yes” Moments
Sometimes, I just want to kick back with a glass of wine and indulge in my favorite TV show. But instead, I often find myself playing with my energetic toddler who insists on climbing on me while I’m trying to juggle groceries. I remind myself that one day, he won’t be this small. So for now, it’s all about saying “yes” to spontaneous fun and making memories, even if it means sacrificing my own plans.
4. I Chose the Right Partner
After my miscarriage, my partner had a unique way of dealing with the situation. He humorously claimed he had food poisoning from a kale salad, which was his way of expressing guilt over not experiencing the physical loss like I did. While it was frustrating, it brought us closer together, reminding me how important it is to have a supportive partner in tough times. We’re in this together, and that bond only grew stronger.
5. My Body is Resilient
During my miscarriage, I questioned everything about my body. Was it my fault? Did I do something wrong? Eventually, I realized that my body was functioning as it should. Miscarriages often happen due to developmental issues, not personal failings. This epiphany helped me embrace my body and its capabilities more than ever.
6. I Found My Tribe
Initially, I felt isolated in my experience until I began to open up about my miscarriage. To my surprise, many friends shared similar stories, and I learned how common miscarriages actually are. Sharing these experiences with other moms created a supportive community that helped build my confidence and made me feel less alone.
7. Prioritization is Key
Yes, there are dishes to wash and laundry to fold, but those can wait. Right now, my son wants to dance to songs about the ABCs, and I’m all in. I’ve learned to prioritize these special moments over chores, and I will gladly stay up late to catch up on what I missed while being fully present with him during the day.
In the end, that pregnancy taught me that my journey to motherhood was about more than just carrying a child—it was about embracing each moment, no matter how messy it gets. Turns out, that fetus was indeed viable after all.
For those considering their own paths to parenthood, you can explore helpful resources like this one on infertility treatments or learn more about at-home insemination options at Make a Mom.
If you’re interested in a deeper dive into the home insemination process, check out our other blog post at Intracervical Insemination.
Summary:
A miscarriage can be a life-altering experience that teaches invaluable lessons about motherhood. Embracing a more relaxed mindset, prioritizing family moments, and finding a supportive community can transform the journey into a more fulfilling one.