Every parenting site out there tells you that the average woman gains around 25 lbs during pregnancy. Then you flip through a parenting magazine and see those stunning abs of celebrities like Mia Johnson, Tara Lee, or Naomi Wood, who claim that getting back in shape was as easy as some light nursing and a stroll with a baby jogger. After you toss that magazine aside in frustration, it’s time to take charge and reclaim your body. It might feel more daunting than childbirth itself, but with these 12 straightforward steps, you’ll have the other mothers in your child’s playgroup utterly amazed at your transformation.
Step 1: Start Off with Extra Weight.
To say “I lost 75 lbs,” you must first gain 75 lbs, right? It’s all about perspective!
Step 2: Sign Up for a Gym.
How do you motivate yourself to return to spin class when even the thought of sitting down seems torturous? Spoiler alert: you probably won’t. Accept that finding time or energy for regular workouts is a challenge. But hey, just walking to the gym’s registration desk burns a few calories—once!
Step 3: Ditch the Junk Food.
This is your moment to stop indulging in the junk you craved during pregnancy. No more mixing cream cheese into your eggs or mashing candy bars into your breakfast cereal.
Step 4: Embrace Breastfeeding.
The calories you consumed in those creamy eggs will be siphoned away by your hungry little one—nature’s way of helping you shed those pounds!
Step 5: Forget About a Baby Schedule.
After a few weeks of sleepless nights, you’ll be so disoriented that the fridge will feel like a distant memory.
Step 6: Try the “Arm’s Reach” Diet.
When your newborn dozes off in your lap, you can only eat what you can grab without moving. Some days it’s couch cushion candy, other days it’s leftover vitamin water—whatever it is, you’re on a diet!
Step 7: Assemble Furniture After Birth.
Putting together baby furniture is like solving a Rubik’s Cube while blindfolded. Your contortions will help trim your waistline in the process.
Step 8: Avoid Buying New Clothes.
While Oprah might not approve, the discomfort of squeezing into your old jeans can motivate you to lose the weight. Just try not to keep wearing your maternity pants forever.
Step 9: Use a Rubber Band on Your Wrist.
Whenever you feel tempted by unhealthy snacks, stretch that rubber band over your head and under your chin. The resulting pressure headache will keep you from munching!
Step 10: Hang Out with Fitness Enthusiasts.
If your friends are training for marathons, you’ll find yourself getting off the couch just to cheer them on. You’ll definitely burn some calories when you join them for a celebratory drink afterward!
Step 11: Spend Time with Unwell Friends.
Perhaps a friend with a cold or flu can help. When you’re too miserable to eat, the weight will simply fall away.
Step 12: Consider Another Baby.
While this won’t exactly help you shed the baby weight, you can enjoy those creamy eggs and comfy elastic pants once again!
If you’re curious about more tips and insights on pregnancy and home insemination, check out the link to one of our other posts here. For those looking for the best tools for self insemination, Make a Mom offers an excellent selection. Additionally, Healthline is a fantastic resource for all things related to pregnancy.
In summary, while losing the baby weight may seem like a Herculean task, these steps make it more manageable. With a little humor and practical strategies, you can navigate this journey and surprise everyone around you.