Updated: Aug. 2, 2023
Originally Published: Oct. 19, 2014
My child, who is HIV-positive, is playing with yours right now, and you might not even be aware. She has spent time with your little one at a private preschool, has splashed beside them during swim lessons, and even stood in line behind them at gymnastics class. Due to legal protections, we are not required to disclose her HIV status to anyone except healthcare providers.
The stigma and ignorance surrounding HIV have led many brave individuals to advocate for the right to keep this information private. Our adoption counselor advised us, “Keep it to yourselves. There’s so much misunderstanding out there. Your child will already stand out in the community because of her background. Do you want to give people another reason to judge her?”
This year in kindergarten, my sweet girl tried to share her story with your child. “Emily, guess what? I have a dragon in my blood. I was born with it, and my birth mom in China had it too. When I take my medicine, the dragon stays asleep.” Emily and a few other kids didn’t believe her. One even said, “Well, I was born in China, and I have a dragon too!” I explained to my daughter that they simply didn’t understand yet.
So why don’t we have to inform schools, churches, or daycares? Because no instances of HIV transmission have ever been documented in these settings. Thanks to modern medications, the virus is virtually powerless. My child undergoes blood tests every four months, and each time, the results show no detectable virus. She is healthy, joyful, and full of life. I handle her scraped knees, bloody noses, share food, and even give her kisses—all without any risk of transmitting HIV.
She just happened to be born with HIV. If her birth mother had access to life-saving antiretroviral drugs during her pregnancy, my daughter could have been born HIV-free. Interestingly, those medications are provided for free in China, but many HIV-positive people there avoid them, as revealing their status can lead to being shunned by loved ones.
When she grows up, she might date your son and even have HIV-negative children if she chooses. Fellow parents, please understand that HIV is not something to fear. Take the time to research this topic online, speak to your pediatrician, and learn the facts. You can find more information on helpful resources like Science Daily and Make A Mom to clear up any misconceptions. Just remember, my child with HIV is playing with yours, and you might not even know which one she is—and that’s perfectly alright.
HIV itself isn’t scary, but ignorance and stigma certainly are.