Parenting Notes
I am utterly exhausted. Last night, I found myself sleeping in my king-size bed, then shifting to the top bunk of the kids’ bunk bed, moving to the twin-sized bottom bunk, and finally collapsing on the floor next to the crib, resting my head on a Boppy from 10 PM to 6:30 AM.
I am so fatigued that I leave marks on the hardwood floor from my late-night pacing. I should probably invest in a pedometer; I might be burning more calories at night than during the day. Forget that—it’s a certainty, considering all the walking and constant breastfeeding I do.
I’m so worn out that even the dog has stopped sleeping in my room; he’s not nocturnal and needs his rest. I’m so tired I accidentally poured orange juice into my coffee this morning. I’m so tired I squeezed tinted moisturizer onto my toothbrush instead of my face.
I even put on my pants inside out without realizing it until I got to my Pure Barre class, where the other women looked at me strangely. I quickly ducked into the bathroom to fix it. I’m so tired that I’ve looked for my keys in the freezer because I’ve found them there before—sometimes when unloading groceries, you put your keys next to the frozen peas.
I’m so tired that I accidentally put my home phone in my purse while driving my kids to school. I’ve made an appointment over the phone and promptly forgotten the details, feeling too embarrassed to call back. My five-year-old even completed a Mother’s Day project at school, listing my favorite thing as sleep and my go-to drink as coffee.
I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night without interruptions, but I know it was well over two years ago. I’m so tired because I’m a milk producer for a nine-month-old. I’ve googled “baby sleep” more times than I can count over the past nine months.
I get frustrated reading those comments on baby sleep websites where anonymous parents brag that their child slept through the night at six weeks old because “they have a nighttime routine.” Thanks for the tip, anonymous parent—I’ve never tried anything like that.
I’m so tired I feel a surge of annoyance when I see Facebook friends celebrating when their first child sleeps through the night at just a few months old. They have no idea of the challenges they’re inviting upon themselves or the struggles faced by those of us with restless little ones.
I’ve read over a dozen sleep books, yet one day I thought I may have side-swiped a parked car while navigating heavy traffic with three screaming kids in the back. I was late for an appointment and couldn’t stop; when I turned back five minutes later, the car was gone. I even drove to the police station to confess my possible mistake, where the officer told me to go home and take a nap—he said I looked like an easy target in my current state.
With the baby on my hip, I explained to the officer that I drive a minivan and never had issues until now. Both sides of my car are scraped up from bumping into trash cans and squeezing into my garage. I even tried multiple times to park next to the curb on an empty street, but it felt like a Herculean task. A construction worker was watching my failed attempts, so I drove around the corner to park instead.
Making small talk has become a challenge. I constantly put my foot in my mouth and walk away embarrassed. Just yesterday, when my daughter’s teacher complimented her pink Converse high-tops, I mentioned, “Oh, her husband is obsessed with shoes.” I meant my husband, of course—who has a penchant for impractical kids’ footwear.
I’m so fatigued that I don’t even enjoy candy, yet I find myself shoving handfuls of chocolate chips in my mouth just to get through the afternoon until bedtime. I admit I did this to myself. With three children under five, the odds that at least one will wake up in the night are incredibly high; if I’m up three times with the baby and twice with my three-year-old, that adds up to five interruptions. So, three kids mean never getting a full night’s sleep.
I understand the phrase “bone tired” all too well—I feel achy all over. I now know why sleep deprivation is considered a form of torture. I am beyond exhausted—I NEED TO SLEEP TRAIN THE BABY ASAP.
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In summary, parenting can be an all-consuming, exhausting journey filled with sleepless nights and unexpected challenges, but it’s also a rewarding adventure.