Developing a New Perspective on My Inner Dialogue

Recently, I had a stimulating conversation with Alex, who, along with others, motivated me to explore meditation. His insightful and humorous book, Mindful Moments: How I Calmed My Inner Critic, Reduced Stress, and Found Real Help, is set to be released next month. I knew Alex had invested considerable thought into the connection between habits and happiness, so I was eager to learn from his experiences.

Discovering Meditation

What’s a simple habit that consistently uplifts your mood? Surprisingly, I’d never have imagined myself saying this, but my answer is… meditation. I always thought meditation was reserved for mystics, fans of serene music, and those who live in yurts. However, the growing body of scientific research highlighting its extensive health benefits—ranging from reduced blood pressure to enhanced immune function—really opened my eyes. Plus, I discovered that it doesn’t require the stereotypical cross-legged poses, incense, or chanting. (If anyone’s curious, I’ve compiled some straightforward meditation guidelines.)

I began with just five minutes a day, quickly noticing three key benefits:

Improved focus,
A greater sense of tranquility, and
An enhanced ability to break free from overthinking and return to the present moment.

Over the past four years, my practice has evolved to 35 minutes a day, leading to a significant transformation: I’ve developed a healthier relationship with the voice in my head. You know that voice—the one that triggers unnecessary snacking, distracts us during conversations, and often leads to regrettable outbursts. The ability to observe our thoughts without reacting impulsively—a skill often referred to as “mindfulness”—is a true superpower.

The Impact of Meditation

I’m not claiming that meditation is a cure-all. I still find myself making silly mistakes—my partner can attest to that. However, this practice has undeniably increased my happiness, calmness, and kindness. I even wrote a book aimed at making meditation appealing to those who don’t identify with the stereotypical practitioners, titled Mindful Moments.

What’s something you’ve learned about establishing healthy habits that you didn’t know at 18? While I may not be an expert on the science of habits, I do recall a friend who’s a neuroscientist telling me that “the brain is a pleasure-seeking machine.” In essence, we tend to gravitate toward what feels good. One realization I’ve come to understand is that I can’t create or break habits unless there’s a strong self-interest involved—meaning, it has to provide some form of pleasure or benefit.

For instance, I started meditating because of the positive scientific findings surrounding it, and I’ve been able to maintain the habit because, despite the challenges of sitting quietly, the benefits I experience in everyday life are evident.

Identifying Obstacles

Do you have any habits that obstruct your happiness? Yes, I struggle with two significant ones:

Multitasking: Despite numerous studies indicating our brains aren’t wired for multitasking, I find myself constantly shifting between emails, social media, and my actual work.
Mindless eating: I strive to maintain a healthy diet, but I can easily succumb to pasta, burgers, and cookies, especially during binge sessions that often leave me feeling guilty.

In the midst of busy work periods, I’ve noticed that my inner voice becomes harsher and more critical, and I find myself indulging in comfort food. Meditation should help with this by fostering awareness of my actions, but I still find it challenging—hence the title of my book, Mindful Moments.

Prioritizing Well-Being

Which habits do you prioritize for your well-being, creativity, and productivity? Beyond meditation, exercise is crucial for my happiness. If I skip workouts, I start feeling restless. Sometimes, my partner, Lucy, has to push me to go for a run when I’m overly fidgety.

Have you successfully overcome an unhealthy habit? In my early thirties, while working as a reporter, I covered various conflicts. Upon returning from a particularly stressful assignment in Baghdad, I experienced a bout of depression and began experimenting with drugs like cocaine and ecstasy. I wasn’t a heavy user, but it was enough to lead to a panic attack during a live broadcast. My doctor strongly advised me to stop. Faced with the risk of losing my career, quitting became a clear choice. It wasn’t easy, but my motivation was rooted in self-preservation.

Overcoming Barriers

Are there any obstacles that hinder your healthy habits? The most significant barrier to maintaining meditation and exercise is my extensive work travel. During breaking news events, time for self-care often disappears. Even amidst the chaos, I genuinely enjoy my job, which makes it a tough tradeoff.

Have you ever experienced a sudden change in your habits due to a book, conversation, or significant life event? Interestingly, during the summer after high school, I had a “flash change” while driving. I resolved to become a diligent student in college, and that commitment led to a dramatic improvement in my academic performance. However, I later realized that my intense drive for success sometimes clouded my judgment, leading me into high-pressure situations without considering the emotional toll. Meditation has helped me find a better balance between ambition and well-being.

The Influence of Others

Has anyone significantly impacted your habits? My partner and I greatly influence each other’s habits. When one of us embarks on a health kick, the other usually follows. One of the most important habits I’ve adopted from Lucy is kindness. Previously, I had a tendency to be curt with service workers and often got lost in my thoughts, ignoring those around me.

After beginning meditation, I discovered compassion meditation, which aims to enhance kindness. Though it seemed overly sentimental at first, I decided to try it, motivated by Lucy’s encouragement and scientific evidence of its effectiveness. It’s transformed my interactions; prioritizing kindness not only feels good but also fosters more positive connections.

Conclusion

Meditation has shown me that we can reshape our minds, just like we can exercise our bodies. We aren’t stuck with our most challenging traits; we can rewire our brains for better outcomes. A sign I once saw in a record store resonates with me: “All dates can change. So can you.”

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In summary, transforming my relationship with my inner voice through meditation has significantly enhanced my well-being and encouraged positive habits, leading to healthier choices and interactions.