My fourteen-year-old daughter, Lily, storms out of her shared bedroom with her younger sister. “MOM! She tossed my blankets on the floor AGAIN! I’ve asked her NOT to do that!” The tone of her voice instantly signals that it’s going to be one of those evenings. You know the kind—where teenage hormones clash with a sense of injustice, and I find myself pulled into the whirlwind. I brace myself for a calm attempt to reason with a not-so-rational mind, which will likely spiral into a nonsensical argument, ending with me throwing my hands up in frustration, probably raising my voice more than I’d like. I’ve been through this enough times to know the routine.
Over the years, I’ve nodded with feigned sympathy when other moms shared their struggles with their teenage daughters. I really believed that Lily would be different. I thought I would handle it differently too. I imagined that her sweet nature and my laid-back approach would shield us from the typical mother-daughter conflicts.
But I should have realized by now that parenting doesn’t work that way.
Lily isn’t a bad kid; in fact, she’s quite remarkable. But goodness, the drama! It seems to be reserved just for me. Maybe I should feel honored. Perhaps this is all part of the process—after all, I’m sure it is. Still, it’s exhausting. The stomping of feet, the eye rolls, and the sudden bursts of attitude feel like a storm brewing. The constant testing of limits and challenging of every rule is relentless.
I adore her, but I’m overwhelmed by the hormonal chaos that’s unfolding within her. I understand that this tumult is part of growing up. I know the questioning and the rebellion are necessary steps toward her independence. I get that.
Yet, I’m anxious. I worry that our time is limited and that I haven’t equipped her sufficiently for the world outside our home. I fear I might have overlooked important lessons during her childhood. I recognize that teaching her everything isn’t solely my responsibility; there are experiences she needs to navigate on her own. I understand that.
But the fear lingers. I dread the idea of her losing her innocence. I worry about the mean girls, charming boys, and risky situations that await her. I’m concerned she might repeat my mistakes or stumble into issues I’ve avoided. I know I have to trust that we’re doing our best as parents. I understand that she will make mistakes, and each one will serve as a lesson—hard lessons are still lessons. I get that.
Still, I feel a pang of sadness. I’m heartbroken that she’s too big for me to hold and soothe like I used to. I mourn the fact that I can’t always protect her. I know that someday, I’ll blink and she’ll be off pursuing her adventures, maybe even forgetting to call her mom. I realize that this is simply the cycle of life. I understand that she won’t truly grasp the depth of my love for her until she has children of her own. I know that.
When I reflect on it all, I recognize that much of my frustration stems from my own fears, worries, and sadness. Isn’t that where a lot of parental angst originates? I suspect that Lily’s struggles arise from similar feelings. Growing up is a thrilling yet terrifying journey, filled with excitement and confusion. I remember that well. I just never anticipated that it would feel just as intense from my perspective. Now, I understand.
So when Lily bursts out of her room yet again, I know what’s in store. We’ll clash. She’ll roll her eyes. I’ll lose my cool. She’ll stomp off, and I’ll vent to my husband, hands on my head in exasperation.
But then, I’ll find my calm. She’ll find hers too. We’ll talk things through and eventually laugh. I’ll wrap her in a hug, feeling her oddly grown-up frame against mine. We’ll both say, “I love you,” and it will be sincere. Thankfully, I know that much.
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Summary
Parenting a fourteen-year-old is a whirlwind of emotions, filled with challenges that stem not just from the teen but also from the parent’s fears and worries. The journey of growing up is both thrilling and daunting for both parties, and while conflicts may arise, love ultimately prevails, fostering understanding and connection.