Every morning, I find myself persuading my kids into their car seats, and we set off to preschool and kindergarten, jamming to the latest hits. We’ll listen to whatever’s playing, and as long as it has an upbeat rhythm, we’re content. I don’t get too caught up in the lyrics; my little ones are so young that they often miss the nuances and mispronounce the words anyway. At home, our dance party playlist includes a few suggestive songs (Katy Perry’s “Peacock” and Icona Pop’s “I Love It” are big hits), and I once even created a CD for daycare without realizing I had selected explicit versions instead of the radio edits—definitely not one of my shining moments as a parent.
While I usually overlook questionable lyrics, there’s one song that really gets under my skin every time it comes on, which, unfortunately, seems to be every time I turn on the radio.
“Gonna wear that dress you like, skin-tight
Do my hair up real, real nice
And syncopate my skin to your heart beating
‘Cause I just wanna look good for you, good for you
I just wanna look good for you, good for you
Let me show you how proud I am to be yours
Leave this dress a mess on the floor
And still look good for you, good for you”
– “Good For You” by Mia Rivers
It’s perplexing that I can brush off songs about partying and casual relationships, yet this particular one bothers me. While those other tracks may not set the best examples, at least they portray the artist as confident.
When I imagine myself in the singer’s shoes, “I just want to look good for you” suggests several things:
- All the effort I’m making is solely for someone else.
- Your opinion of my appearance holds far too much weight, and I’m okay with that.
- My self-perception and how I present myself are secondary to your views because—here’s the kicker—perhaps I’m just not enough as I am.
From the moment my daughter steps into the world, she’ll face a barrage of messages about beauty, some of them quite unhealthy. She already adores dressing up in colorful outfits and pretending to be older, which I don’t mind as long as she keeps her spirited nature and pairs her fanciest princess dress with bedhead hair, jelly-smeared lips, and the dirt that comes from outdoor adventures. If she views dressing up as pure fun rather than a societal expectation and it doesn’t restrict her other activities, I’m all for it.
In contrast, the song by Mia Rivers suggests conforming to someone else’s standards. It presents the singer as an ornament, placing so much emphasis on external validation that it diminishes the importance of her own perspective. It implies that her desires and ambitions aren’t enough and that she needs someone else to guide and approve of her efforts. To me, the constant refrain of “just wanna look good for you” feels like the singer is really saying, “my own opinion is inferior and doesn’t matter.”
This notion, so prevalent in today’s media, struck me hard, especially when I heard it echoed in my daughter’s innocent voice. It’s not a belief I want my children to adopt. I’m not about to boycott Mia Rivers, as I understand the aim was to create a catchy tune. My priority, however, is raising confident children who are secure in their own skin and only alter their appearance when it resonates with them personally.
So, what’s the takeaway? For me, it’s crucial to recognize and question discouraging messages in media and teach my kids to do the same. I want them to grasp that self-confidence is far more impactful than mere physical beauty.
I hope my daughter learns that if she chooses to invest effort into her appearance, it should be for her own joy, with any external appreciation being a bonus. I want her to critically assess anyone, whether a friend or a romantic interest, who suggests she needs to change in order to be attractive. And I aspire for my son to grow into a man who finds a confident, authentic woman to be the most appealing of all.
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