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Navigating the “Most Exasperating Facebook Friend” Challenge
by Lily Thompson
Updated: September 3, 2015
Originally Published: November 16, 2014
- If you’ve ever proclaimed your belief in chemtrails (the condensation trails airplanes leave behind that you believe are actually chemicals released by the government to manipulate our minds or make us dependent on certain medications), you’re disqualified from this contest. Similarly, if you’ve shared links from sites like naturalnews.com, The Washington Times, or infowars.com, you’re also not eligible. This is because being truly outlandish and bothersome gives you an unfair edge over those who are merely irritating. As the wise poet Rumi once noted, “The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.”
- If you’ve ever posted a Rumi quote as your status, you cannot enter this contest. I must find a way to limit contest participants, and this seems the most effective method. Rumi’s wisdom rings true yet again: “The art of knowing is knowing what to ignore.”
- If you’ve ever claimed that vaccinations lead to autism or shared supposed proof of such, you are disqualified (refer to Rule 1). However, if you’ve merely stated that those who believe vaccines cause autism should be allowed to express their “truth,” you may enter.
- If you’ve ever shared that you’re thankful your mother’s cancer is in remission or that a speeding truck veered away just before hitting you, you can certainly join this contest, but given the gravity of the word “grateful” in your situation, you might not be a top contender. Conversely, if you’ve expressed gratitude for “delicious snacks” or for your mother’s cancer returning as a chance to confront your “issues with impermanence,” then you absolutely should participate. The hashtag #grateful alongside a picture of a field of lupins will earn you five bonus points, provided it was posted before the contest announcement.
- If you’ve changed your name on Facebook, please include any previous names you’ve used so I don’t miss any of your posts. If “Pirate Fox” was one of your names, kindly indicate this by simply writing “Pirate Fox” instead of illustrating a fox with a purple star eye patch. If you’ve altered your name more than 14 times in two years or over seven times in four years, or three times since birth, please send us a printed record of all your Facebook posts and comments since you joined. Be sure to staple updates and comments by each name separately, as there will be a special prize for those whose name changes contributed to their annoyingness.
- Lastly, do not hesitate to enter if you are “just taking a break from Facebook,” especially if your last status update mentioned wanting to be “more present for my family, my partner, and myself.” Additionally, if you’ve taken the Buzzfeed quiz “Which Game of Thrones Character Are You?” please refrain from entering, as this may be referenced in case of a tiebreaker.
This article was initially published on November 16, 2014.
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Summary
This article humorously outlines the rules for entering a contest to be the most annoying Facebook friend, detailing various disqualifications based on social media behavior. It encourages participants to embrace their quirks and provides several amusing guidelines to determine eligibility.