Updated: September 13, 2023
Originally Published: November 17, 2014
Warning: If you easily get offended by lighthearted jokes about parenting stereotypes or feel that discussing these concepts, even in a playful manner, undermines the journey toward true equality between genders, you may want to skip this. Also, if you happen to be the complete opposite of any stereotype mentioned, it could sting a bit. End warning.
Dads say:
You look fantastic, did you drop some pounds?
Moms think:
Wait, did I not look good before?!
Dads say:
I can’t seem to find the milk.
Moms think:
Seriously? It’s right there! He’s not even looking properly. Ugh, I guess I have to get up and help him. Oh wait, I forgot to buy milk!
Dads say:
I had such a great sleep last night!
Moms think:
Huh? Can’t hear over my second life-saving double espresso!
Dads say:
I’m heading outside to use the chainsaw (or some other risky tool).
Moms think:
Oh dear, he’s going to hurt himself. I can’t bear to watch. Pretending this isn’t happening…
Dads say:
What did you pick up at Target today?
Moms think:
Everything! I bought everything!
Dads say:
I love those pants on you!
Moms think:
What?! These pants are hideous, and my backside is not ready for a Kim Kardashian moment.
Dads say:
I’m not a fan of those pants on you.
Moms think:
I might never forgive him for this. Ever.
Dads say:
I think the toilet paper roll should go this way.
Moms think:
Great, I’ll just spend my life switching that back when he’s not looking.
Dads say:
I feel like I was too tough on the kids today.
Moms think:
Welcome to the emotional discussion. Let’s explore those feelings!
Dads say:
Are you actually crying over that cat food commercial?
Moms think:
Umm… yes, yes I am.
Dads say:
Did you really chat with your sister all day?
Moms think:
Umm… yes, I did.
Dads say:
Did you eat all the chocolate?
Moms think:
Umm… yes, I did.
Dads say:
I dressed our daughter and did her hair.
Moms think:
This is going to be interesting.
Dads say:
Seriously, what did you get at Target?
Moms think:
Quick! We need to change the subject!
Dads say:
I tidied the house so you could unwind.
Moms think:
Sexiest. Man. Alive.