Nudity in Front of Kids: A Matter of Perspective
For me, it’s a big yes. For my partner, it’s a firm no. Our differing views on nudity send mixed signals to our children, and like with many parenting choices, we’re just hoping to navigate this without causing any issues.
I grew up in a liberal family where nudity was more accepted. My dad, with his robust, hairy physique and soft middle, was a familiar sight in our home. I would sometimes catch glimpses of him while he was getting ready in the morning or just stepping out of the shower. As a child, I remember thinking his anatomy resembled an elephant’s trunk—quite the revelation for a young girl. I felt a sense of relief to have a vagina instead.
It was never a taboo topic; my mother would often say, “It’s just a body.” But there were moments when she’d remind me to cover up as we got older. I was raised with two brothers, so I was well-acquainted with the male anatomy. Sure, I was intrigued by how boys could stand to pee, but it wasn’t a big deal.
Then there was my mom. I have vivid memories of showering with her when I was little, marveling at her figure and wondering when I would grow into a woman too. Books like Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume helped answer some of my questions as I approached my teenage years.
My mother never made a point to either cover up or be naked around me. Yet, I can still picture her in her silky underwear, often making self-deprecating comments about her body and how it changed over time. I found her beautiful, even if she didn’t see it herself.
However, during my teenage years, my perspective shifted. I recall a particularly awkward moment when my mom strolled around the house in a sheer negligee with no underwear. It was mortifying! I told her that none of us wanted to see her nearly naked, especially my brothers. Ironically, they don’t remember this incident at all.
As a child, I viewed nudity as a natural part of life, but as a teen, it felt inappropriate. This raises the question: when is it okay to be naked in front of kids?
My partner, Ryan, had a vastly different upbringing—conservative and Christian, where nudity was never discussed. Fast forward to today, and we have two young daughters, Mia, 6, and Zoe, 4.
I often walk around our house without clothes, but not in a provocative way. I don’t dance around or anything, but when the girls come into my room, I don’t rush to cover up. Recently, while showering with Zoe, our conversation went like this:
Zoe: “Will I have, um, boooobs?” (pointing at mine and giggling)
Me: “They’re called breasts, and yes, you will.”
Zoe: “Eww, I don’t want them! What are those round things?”
Me: “Those are nipples.”
Zoe: “Oh, right. That’s where milk comes from!”
Me: “Exactly, isn’t that cool?”
Zoe: “Your tummy is big.”
Me: “Things look bigger from down there.”
When Zoe commented on my belly, I felt defensive. I wanted to joke about it but also didn’t want to dismiss her feelings. If I said, “No, it’s not,” I’d invalidate her thoughts, but agreeing would suggest that having a big belly is bad. It’s a tricky balance to strike.
Ryan, on the other hand, is very private about nudity. He locks the door when he showers and prefers to keep his body hidden from the girls. They’ve probably never seen him without a towel around his waist. I don’t think they need to see his penis daily, but I also don’t want them to think it’s something to be ashamed of. When I explain that “Daddy needs privacy,” they giggle and shout, “He’s nakey!”
Growing up in a household filled with brothers made nudity seem normal to me. My friends, who didn’t have siblings, were often fascinated by my brothers, treating them like some kind of exotic creatures.
I wonder if our different approaches could lead to unintended consequences. Will my daughters become overly curious about nudity because it’s not hidden from them? I wish there were a parenting guide on how to navigate nudity in a way that fosters body positivity. But parenting is a learning process, and I’m hopeful we’ll figure it out.
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In summary, while my partner and I have starkly different views on nudity in front of our kids, we’re navigating this journey together, hoping to raise our daughters with a healthy understanding of their own bodies.