8 Things I Long For from My Pre-Baby Body

self insemination kit

Remember the days before your little ones arrived? The days when you could pull all-nighters with ease, and a sneeze didn’t send you racing for extra underwear? I certainly do, and I find myself reminiscing about that version of me quite often.

Throughout my pregnancy journey, I took every possible measure to maintain my pre-baby physique. I diligently performed pelvic exercises to keep everything in check, slathered on oil nightly to fend off stretch marks, and focused on a healthy diet (well, mostly—there was still room for ice cream). I even invested in specialty bras that claimed to help maintain my “perkiness.” Despite my best efforts, some changes were simply inevitable. With my boys clearly taking after Bigfoot, my once petite frame faced quite a transformation. My once-envied chest has sadly morphed into what can only be described as deflated milk bags, hiding away until further notice.

Let’s dive into my list of pre-baby body features I miss the most:

1. Breasts: It seems that every mom I chat with longs for her pre-baby bosom. After childbirth, they either swell to enormous sizes or become tiny, shriveled versions of their former selves. Why can’t we find a happy medium? It feels unfair that our chests now resemble deflated balloons or sun-bleached socks.
2. Nipples: Once a source of pride, they’ve now become oversized flying saucers. And for breastfeeding moms, the sensation is often lost altogether. Just great.
3. Bladder: I used to be a pro at holding my bladder throughout the busiest workdays. Now, it’s as if my bladder is in charge, dictating when I can laugh, cough, or sneeze. Who knew motherhood came with such a lack of control? This is a common complaint among my mom friends.
4. Hair: For those blessed with thick hair, beware! I once had a luscious mane that was the envy of many. Now, after months of shedding, I’m left with the feathered remnants that belong in an 80s revival.
5. Rear End: Somehow, my backside melted into my thighs during my last pregnancy. I guess I’ll just have to start a rigorous squatting routine—if only I had the time!
6. Feet: With everything else changing, I thought my feet might stay the same. No luck there! They grew half a size and haven’t returned to their original form. So long to my beautiful heels that I splurged on!
7. Memory: Here’s a head-scratcher: I can recall my childhood phone number perfectly but can’t seem to remember where I placed my keys or phone each day. Motherhood truly takes a toll on the brain!
8. Tummy: While I never had rock-hard abs to boast about pre-baby, I certainly didn’t resemble someone who just finished a burrito-eating contest every day.

Was it all worth it? Absolutely. Would I go through it all again for my babies? Without a doubt. But let’s be honest—wouldn’t it be nice to wear a cute dress without squeezing into Spanx and play jump rope with our kids without a worry? The answer is clear, and I think we all know it.

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Summary

In this light-hearted reflection, we explore the physical changes many women experience after childbirth, reminiscing about the pre-baby body while acknowledging the joys of motherhood. From alterations in our figures to memory lapses, the transition can be challenging yet fulfilling.