How Can I Prevent Transmitting My Food Struggles to My Child?

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How Can I Prevent Transmitting My Food Struggles to My Child?

by Mia Anderson, Clinical Psychologist

Updated: Aug. 16, 2023

Originally Published: March 18, 2014

The profound and sometimes unsettling truth about motherhood is the deep impact we have on our children. While various factors shape a child’s development—such as genetics, culture, and beliefs—one of the most significant ways children learn is by observing and imitating their parents. This is particularly evident in how they form their relationship with food.

Sadly, negative attitudes towards food and body image are alarmingly widespread, making them seem almost normal. Many women I know have faced issues like disordered eating or poor self-image, which can inadvertently be passed down to their children. When a mother expresses dissatisfaction with her body or restricts her eating to certain foods, her child is likely to mimic those behaviors and adopt similar distorted beliefs about their own body and relationship with food.

To foster a healthy relationship with food in your child, you must first model it yourself. This means working on your own struggles with food and body image before you can guide your child toward a different experience. After all, how can you provide something to your child that you do not possess yourself?

By improving your own views on food and body image, you pave the way for your children to appreciate their bodies, regardless of their size. While there’s no quick solution to overcoming these issues, change is achievable with awareness, honesty, and willingness. Most of our food-related challenges stem from ingrained, dysfunctional belief systems. These beliefs—both conscious and unconscious—shape our feelings and behaviors. Alter your beliefs, and you’ll see changes in your feelings and actions. Cling to the same beliefs, and nothing will change.

Many of these beliefs originated in our own childhoods as efforts to understand the world around us, often remaining unconscious. To heal, you must first recognize and confront these underlying beliefs about food, weight, and body image. Once you identify them, you can begin to replace these faulty beliefs with healthier, more balanced perspectives on food and your body.

This process can feel overwhelming. Change is undoubtedly challenging, requiring commitment, discipline, and patience, which can seem unattainable for busy moms. However, when it comes to our children, we often find the strength to tackle these challenges, motivated by the desire to spare them from our own mistakes.

Although this may seem like a daunting journey, there are small steps you can take today to reshape your behaviors around food and body—especially in front of your kids:

• Steer clear of negative comments about your weight or the latest diet you’re trying.
• Avoid the eye rolls and grimaces every time you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror.
• Join your kids in the pool, showing them that you can be comfortable in your own skin, no matter the size.
• Accept a cookie from your child, even if you’ve sworn off sweets.
• Politely decline a treat when you’ve already had enough, saying, “No thanks, Mommy’s full.”

The key is to learn and demonstrate what a healthy relationship with food looks like. Even if your beliefs aren’t fully aligned yet, changing your behavior is a step in the right direction. Remember, true and lasting change comes from altering your internal dialogue.

It’s also important to note that if a child develops a distorted relationship with food or body image, it’s not solely a mother’s fault. Numerous other factors—like culture, genetics, and brain chemistry—can influence a child’s development, despite a mother’s best efforts to foster a positive body image. However, mothers undeniably play a crucial role in shaping how their daughters perceive and relate to their bodies.

Ultimately, the best approach to avoid passing on your struggles is to prioritize your own well-being. Think of it like being on an airplane: in an emergency, you must secure your own oxygen mask before assisting your children. Why? Because a parent who cannot breathe cannot effectively support their child.

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Summary

To prevent passing on unhealthy food attitudes to your child, focus on improving your relationship with food and body image. Recognize and reshape any underlying beliefs and model healthy behaviors, even in small ways. Remember that your well-being is crucial, much like securing your own oxygen mask on an airplane before helping your children.