This morning, I witnessed Mia grappling with her socks. They were inside out, and she was determined to turn them right side out and put them on herself. I offered to help, but she quickly shot back with a response I know all too well: “No! I can do it myself!”
It’s often said that as parents, we end up mirroring our own childhood behaviors. As Mia’s words echoed in my mind, and our mounting frustration grew—her with the stubborn socks and me with my desire to assist—I couldn’t help but think how infuriating this trait must have been for my own parents when I was her age. Even as an adult, this self-sufficient mindset can be exhausting. I find myself walking around with a forced smile, telling anyone who will listen, including my family, friends, and even myself, that I don’t need help. I’ve got it all under control. I can juggle getting the kids to school, feeding the baby all night, packing lunches, preparing homemade dinners, and doing fun projects. I can handle it all! Really, I can!
Except when I can’t.
The reality is, it had been a long, challenging week. My partner, Tom, was finally back home after a business trip that kept him away from Monday to Friday. While he had traveled for work before since our youngest, Zara, was born, this was the first time he had been gone for such an extended period after all our supportive family had gone home.
I found myself alone with all three kids—constantly on duty, day and night. I was like a 24-hour news cycle, running on repeat. Monday morning, Tom left around 8 AM, and by noon, I realized I had to adjust my expectations. Laundry might get done, but it would just pile up in soft, fluffy heaps throughout the house. We might catch the school bus. Or not. If we drove, we’d make it just in time for the bell, but we certainly wouldn’t be early. Homework would be completed, and the kids would be fed—most likely with scrambled eggs several nights in a row.
When Mia asked why we weren’t doing anything during our special Mommy-Mia day together, I hesitated. I wanted to explain, “Because Mommy is exhausted! Because I haven’t had more than four hours of sleep in days!” But instead, I mustered the energy to do a cooking project with her. We made hamantaschen for Purim—well, we made six of them, which was just enough to feel accomplished.
However, by Wednesday, I realized that my new mantra of low expectations wouldn’t carry me through. I had to take a more drastic step: I needed to accept help. Or worse, I had to ask for it. Just imagine Mia, angry with her socks, but as an adult—far worse. That’s how I felt admitting I needed assistance.
So, when my neighbor offered to walk my son, Leo, to the bus stop, I said yes. When a friend called and offered to bring dinner, I said yes. I enjoyed that delicious meal for at least two nights—and maybe even a breakfast or two. When another friend offered to pick Mia up from piano class, I said yes. And when a lovely friend suggested she cuddle Zara so I could sip my coffee without interruption, I said yes.
That one little word—yes—turned out to be life-changing. It’s humbling to realize it took me 36 years to grasp that. With the help of all those incredible people, I made it to Friday, when Tom walked back in the door and understood that I needed a moment to myself. As I grabbed my keys, I called up to him, “Need anything?” He replied, “Just you.”
“That’s easy,” I shouted back. “I’ll go get her. Be back in an hour.”
I need him. I need her. I need them all. Yes.
Resources for Further Reading
If you’re interested in learning more about home insemination, check out our related post here. For more information on artificial insemination kits, you can visit this resource. If you’re seeking guidance on what to expect during your first IUI, this article is an excellent resource.
Conclusion
In summary, accepting help can be a game changer in parenting. It’s okay to admit that we can’t do it all alone, and sometimes saying “yes” can lead to unexpected support and relief.