When it comes to my son’s desk, it proudly displays what seems like an endless collection of trophies that he didn’t quite earn. Okay, maybe “endless” is a stretch—many kids today likely have a similar array of awards, medals, and certificates for merely participating. By the time my son wrapped up his elementary school years, he had accumulated so many accolades that one might think he was the top kid in the world.
Reality check: my son wasn’t exactly a sports prodigy. In fact, he once requested to sit out during a football game because his uniform was uncomfortable. And during a community soccer event, he had more than a few amusing mishaps with the ball. Nevertheless, his trophy shelf is filled to the brim as evidence of his “athleticism.”
While there are certainly children who excel and truly earn their accolades, it appears that many receive recognition simply for showing up. I’m all about fostering my son’s self-esteem, but I never mocked him when he struck out during a baseball game. Instead, like any supportive parent, I gave him a reassuring smile and said, “Good try!” I wholeheartedly believe in celebrating effort, but if there were an award for the most self-assured kid (even when it’s completely unwarranted), he would take home the gold.
Yet, the notion of handing out trophies merely for participation doesn’t resonate with me as an effective way to build confidence. If your child didn’t earn that trophy, what’s the point? Does it genuinely enhance their self-esteem, or are we inadvertently conveying that mediocrity is acceptable? Are we crafting a generation that believes simply showing up is commendable? I know a college professor who has received multiple emails from parents questioning why their exceptionally gifted children didn’t receive an A. Perhaps it’s because they didn’t actually earn it.
I want my son to understand the value of hard work and merit. I don’t want him to think he can coast through life and still receive accolades, whether it’s a trophy or an A grade. Imagine if adulthood operated on the same principles—just show up for a job interview and you automatically get hired! Or, get accepted into a prestigious graduate program without putting in the effort.
This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t support or encourage our children to engage in various activities. The next time your child feels upset because their friend won first prize at the swim meet while they walked away empty-handed, gently explain that not everyone can win all the time. That shiny trophy may look appealing, but “winning” it just for being present doesn’t truly motivate your child to strive for success. My love for my son is boundless, and I only want the best for him.
I don’t want to be the parent calling his college professors when he’s 20, asking for leniency on grades. What I want is for him to grasp the importance of effort in achieving his goals.
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In summary, while participation awards can be well-meaning, they may inadvertently send the wrong message about achievement and effort. It’s crucial for our children to learn the value of hard work and that true success comes from dedication and perseverance.