My ten-year-old daughter, Lucy, has a distinct style that comes straight from the boys’ section of the store. She favors oversized, loose-fitting t-shirts adorned with superheroes like Spider-Man. Her hair is always styled in two braids, a look she maintains even during sleep. With thick, golden locks and striking blue eyes, Lucy has a natural beauty that I adore; however, she remains indifferent to it. Beauty simply isn’t on her radar.
Last year, I insisted she take her braids down for her school photo. It turned into a fierce negotiation. I resorted to some crafty tactics, even delving into psychology, explaining how I feared her braids were a sort of security blanket (which they are) and how I wanted her to feel confident in every hairstyle. I even offered her a high-end lightsaber toy as a bribe—something that could have easily paid for a week’s worth of groceries.
But deep down, my motives were clear: I wanted her to look stunning in her school pictures, with her hair cascading beautifully around her face, so I could proudly share those photos with friends and family.
On picture day, she compromised a bit—she sported ponytails before letting her hair down for the camera. The entire fourth-grade class was in awe, showering her with compliments about how gorgeous she looked. After the photo was taken, one of her classmates gently braided her hair back to her preferred style.
When I received Lucy’s school photo a month later, she did look lovely with her flowing hair. But in truth, she didn’t quite resemble the Lucy I knew.
I’ve since decided to embrace her individuality. It’s clear that my daughter doesn’t need to fit into my ideal of beauty. She doesn’t have to care about aesthetics the way I once did—and still do, to some extent. The one rule I maintain, however, is that she washes her hair at least once a week. That’s my only non-negotiable.
What truly defines her are her passions: crafting intricate weapons from paper, learning to draw manga characters through online tutorials, enjoying late-night Dungeons and Dragons sessions with her dad, devouring books like “The Hunger Games” with me, playing the piano, and even taking up Judo. These pursuits are what make her shine, and it’s inspiring to witness.
Kids really have a way of teaching us how to live authentically. For more insights on parenting and personal growth, check out this post on our blog.
In summary, I’ve learned to appreciate my daughter’s unique identity, allowing her to define beauty on her own terms while still encouraging her interests and passions.