10 Ways Water Parks Are Just Like Bars

self insemination kit

As summer heats up, finding ways to keep the kids entertained while exhausting their energy can be a challenge. And if you can sneak in a little sunbathing, even better! Enter the water park.

Amid the fun and occasional foot fungus, water parks provide a great way to get the kids out of the house while offering you a chance to relax with a book—albeit for just a few minutes. As a child, I adored water parks, with their thrilling slides and tempting snack bars. Now, as an adult, I see them through a different lens. Instead of just enjoying wave pools and slides, I find myself worrying about potential accidents and the cleanliness of the water. Sometimes, I swear I can actually see the, uh, contaminants floating around.

Recently, I had a nostalgic moment that made me realize how similar water parks and bars are, especially from my experiences during my younger years. Though they may seem worlds apart, I’ve got 10 compelling reasons that show just how alike they really are:

1. Bathroom Dilemmas: Stepping into the restroom barefoot is a no-go. Both venues have floors that could easily double as a crime scene, complete with abandoned Band-Aids lurking about.
2. Questionable Attire: You’re bound to encounter outfits that make you question if anyone looked in the mirror before leaving home. From ill-fitting swimsuits to crop tops, get ready to see some skin—lots of it.
3. The Male Gaze: Whether at a water park or a bar, there’s always someone eyeing the scene, hoping for a wardrobe malfunction. See point #2 for context.
4. Getting Toasted: You might end up sunburned or tipsy. Both places can leave you with a nasty headache—either from too much sun or too many cocktails.
5. Overpriced Treats: Prepare to pay a premium for food and drinks. You’ll shell out at least triple the usual price, but hey, it’s all part of the experience, right?
6. Wristbands Galore: Upon entry, you’ll receive a wristband, a symbol of your passage into fun. Just remember, they’re flimsy paper that will bleed color the moment you spill that first overpriced drink.
7. Cringe-Worthy Tunes: The music is often unbearable. From amateur cover bands to incessant pop hits, the tunes are sure to make you cringe while you attempt to keep your feet in check.
8. Tears are Inevitable: Whether it’s a dispute over the water slide or who’s buying the next round, someone is bound to end up in tears, throwing a mini-tantrum.
9. Hair Disasters: Expect to leave looking like you’ve just survived a hurricane. Between sweat and spills, your hair might not be the best reflection of your day.
10. Bring a Buddy: These outings are best enjoyed with a friend. You’ll need their support to navigate the chaos and remind you of the unspoken rules of the outing.

Convinced? I thought so! Now, whether you’re gearing up for a day at the water park or planning a night out, pack your essentials. Or, you could opt for a cozy night in with Netflix—no risk of wardrobe malfunctions there!

For more insights on family planning and home insemination, check out this post or learn about pregnancy resources from ACOG. If you’re interested in boosting fertility, Make a Mom offers great supplements to consider.

Summary: Water parks and bars share surprising similarities, from the questionable cleanliness of restrooms to the inevitable wardrobe malfunctions. Both venues provide a unique atmosphere where you can enjoy overpriced food and drinks, but they are best experienced with a friend. Whether you choose to brave the water slides or hit up the nightlife, remember to have fun!