As I was picking up my son from preschool recently, a curious little girl from his class tugged at my sweater and asked, right in front of my son, “Where’s his daddy?” Without missing a beat, I smiled and replied, “He doesn’t have a daddy.” The girl paused, processing this information, and before I could grab my son’s lunchbox and make a quick exit, she asked, “Did his daddy DIE?”
“No,” I explained gently. “Eddie just doesn’t have a dad. Some families have both parents, some have just moms or dads, and others might have grandparents. Eddie has me and a sister, and that’s what makes up his family.”
This seemed to perplex her, as she squished her face in confusion. Just then, my son piped up, completely unbothered by the conversation. “I tried a new food today, Mom! Can we go to Tar-get?” Yes, buddy, we can head to Target and find you a treat for trying diced pears. Well done! High five!
My son understands our family dynamic, at least for now. He doesn’t question the absence of a traditional family structure, and he seems perfectly content with his life. I’ve always told him, in a straightforward and loving way, that he simply doesn’t have a dad, and he accepts that with ease. In fact, he’s thriving—full of joy, laughter, intelligence, and kindness.
He’s five years old and has never met his father. The reasons behind this are part of my past, and I don’t dwell on them. Instead, I embrace my role as a single parent, believing that raising him alone is the best decision for both of us. Sure, managing work and parenting alone can be tiring and sometimes financially challenging, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything—except maybe a few less gray hairs, but thank goodness for hair dye!
As Father’s Day approaches, I prepare to celebrate the remarkable men in my life—my dad, my late grandfather (who shares a name with my son), and my brother-in-law. Though I’m primarily a mom, I often find myself fulfilling the role of dad too. I’m nurturing and educational, the one who bakes cakes and takes him to monster truck shows. I’ve taught him manners and even how to pee standing up. I comfort him at the doctor’s office and encourage him to be brave when he falls off his bike. It’s a unique blend of roles, and incredibly rewarding!
Each year, I have a conversation with my son’s teacher about the upcoming Father’s Day projects. They often create special crafts for dads or invite fathers to breakfast at school. I make it clear that I’ll be there, and perhaps he can make a project for his grandpa or uncle or even me. If I’m lucky, I might end up with a handmade gift like a macramé tie to showcase on our bookshelf next to the pretty jewelry box he made for me on Mother’s Day.
This post is dedicated to all the amazing single moms out there, as well as those hardworking mothers who often take on responsibilities traditionally held by fathers. And let’s not forget the solo dads who deserve their own recognition on Mother’s Day with heartfelt gifts and treats too. Perhaps it’s time to rethink how we celebrate these days—considering merging them into a single Parents’ Day, celebrated twice a year for everyone’s enjoyment.
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In summary, being a single mom can be challenging, but it can also be incredibly fulfilling. Embracing both roles of mother and father, celebrating the love and joy in our unique family dynamic, and recognizing the contributions of all parents is what truly matters.