Before welcoming my little ones, I had such rosy expectations of motherhood. During the long stretch of fertility treatments and soothing acupuncture sessions, I envisioned calm mornings snuggling with my baby as dawn broke. I imagined peaceful Saturday mornings filled with cartoon marathons, followed by lively soccer matches and splashing around in the pool. I dreamt of school performances, back-to-school shopping sprees, and sharing movie nights with my tiny buddy.
And then, it happened—I became the proud parent of not one, but two miraculous children. They were the best of friends until our youngest turned two, and that’s when the chaos erupted. The hair-pulling, toy-snatching, and wrestling matches commenced, making it nearly impossible to find even three minutes of tranquility. Sure, they adore one another, but my days of being “just a mom” are long gone. My new title? Referee. As a result, I’ve found myself uttering phrases I never imagined would cross my lips.
For instance…
- “Please don’t lick your sister!” – Seriously? Licking? It makes me want to gag every time their tongues reach for each other; it’s like watching a slow-motion scene from a movie.
- “Stop eating the sunscreen!” – Who thought it wise to create a foam that looks like whipped cream? Note to self: switch to spray.
- “Let go of my shirt!” – Our two-year-old stopped nursing over a year ago, but she remains fixated on my chest. In new places, she clings to me and inevitably pulls my shirt down. Nine times out of ten, I end up flashing my bra—and once, my entire chest. High-neck shirts have become my new best friends.
- “Don’t put boogers on the nightstand!” – Not just a few, either. An entire side of it is dedicated to booger art. At least she’s not eating them, right?
- “Poop is not a food group!” – This summer has been all about potty humor. What do you want for lunch? “Poop!” What kind of muffins shall we bake? “Poopy muffins!” It’s a daily giggle fest.
- “No, I will not cook your butt and eat it.” – When I tell them not to mention poop at the dinner table, they suggest cooking their butts instead. Is that really funny? I just don’t get it.
- “Who put the remote control in the toilet?” – If your toddler is anything like mine, they cherish the remote control more than anything else. The fake Fisher Price version just doesn’t cut it. I’ve found ours stashed in the toy box, stuffed into hat boxes, and yes, last week it took a dive into the toilet.
- “You may not dance naked. Please return to the dinner table.” – I never thought I’d have to worry about my child dancing on her four-poster bed in the buff. But here we are, in a phase of shedding clothes and shaking booties. At least she asked first, right? This has to be just a phase, I hope.
- “You can poop in your pants if you want… just please go!” – Our toddler has a distinct aversion to going number two. She holds it for days! Anyone else experiencing this?
- “Your body is not a toy!” – Yes, I had to say it. It was bath time, and let’s just say, body exploration took an unexpected turn.
Ah, the delightful chaos of parenthood! If you want to explore more about the journey of home insemination, check out this informative blog post. For an authority on fertility journeys, visit Make a Mom. Additionally, for those seeking resources on treating infertility, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists offers great insights here.
In summary, motherhood is a wild ride filled with unexpected moments and phrases. Despite the challenges, each day brings laughter and joy.