Dear Kids,
I want to start by saying I’m truly sorry for how things have turned out. It weighs heavily on my heart that our family dynamic has changed and that I had a role in breaking apart the home you once knew. I understand that, deep down, you’d prefer us to stay together, even if it meant enduring some tension. You may not realize it, but I was struggling to be myself, and it was draining my spirit. Now, you have a mother who can breathe again, but I know you miss the way things used to be.
I apologize for the back-and-forth lifestyle you’ve had to adopt between two homes. Even a simple weekend trip can cause stress as I pack your essentials: clothes, gadgets, and toiletries. You handle the transitions with grace, often without a word of complaint, but I know it’s exhausting. This situation was created by choices I made, and for that, I am truly sorry.
I regret that you will witness your dad and me dating again. While this might one day teach you about healthy relationships, I understand how uncomfortable it can be. Seeing me with someone else may feel strange and even unsettling. I recognize that this isn’t something you’re excited about.
Even though your dad and I strive to keep you out of our differences, the reality is that you are inevitably caught in the middle. When you express joy about time spent with your dad, I feel happy for you, yet I also sense that you might feel a twinge of guilt. It breaks my heart to think that you carry that burden.
I’m sorry for the nights you feel lonely in a new place, or when you have to tell your friends about having two homes. I know it’s confusing and frustrating when you have to divide your time, especially during holidays. You shouldn’t have to be the messenger between us, and I wish things were simpler. Just because it’s “my day” doesn’t mean you don’t want to spend time with Dad, and I understand how hard that must be.
On your 10th birthday, when you tearfully told me it sucked waiting for our special dinner together, I felt your pain. I wish it didn’t have to be this way.
Perhaps what I regret the most is not being able to fully comprehend your experience as a child of divorce. I know what it feels like to be left out or to feel lonely, but the complexities of your situation are something I can only try to empathize with. I’m here to support you, but I know that’s not enough to erase the hurt.
My hope is that, despite these challenges, you will emerge from this experience with resilience and compassion. Life will teach you valuable lessons, and your perspective will be wider than mine was at your age. You will see us, your parents, as individuals, which will enrich your understanding of relationships.
My love for you far outweighs my guilt. While I regret the difficulties that divorce brings, I stand firm in my belief that this path was necessary for our family’s well-being.
But still, I’m sorry.
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Summary:
In this heartfelt letter, Sarah J. Parker shares her sincere apologies to her children regarding the impact of their divorce. She acknowledges the challenges they face, the stress of moving between homes, and the emotional complexities of witnessing their parents in new relationships. While she expresses deep regret, she also offers hope that they will grow from these experiences, gaining resilience and a broader understanding of relationships.