I struggled with breastfeeding. STRUGGLED WITH IT.
From the moment my son painfully latched on until the day, 57 long days later, when I decided it was time to switch to formula, I found every feeding to be a challenge. It felt like I wasted the first couple of months of my son’s life being consumed by something that was supposed to be natural and beautiful.
In today’s world, breastfeeding is often portrayed as a mark of a good mom. While those who try and can’t are often met with understanding, those of us who opt for formula seem to face undue scrutiny. This sentiment can feel isolating.
For me, the joy of motherhood only began after I stopped clinging to a practice that felt anything but instinctive. Once I freed myself from that pressure, I could finally enjoy rocking him to sleep and marvel at the little details—like his soft breathing and those adorable lashes.
So why did I find breastfeeding so difficult?
- It Took Over My Life. My days revolved around feeding. Every two hours, I was tied up for an hour, and just when I thought I had a moment to breathe, it was time for another session.
- I Felt Unattractive. I imagined that having larger breasts would boost my confidence, but instead, I felt like a dairy cow—leaky, uncomfortable, and overwhelmed.
- The Pain Was Intense. The sensation of having a sensitive area roughly tugged at until it bled was not the blissful experience I envisioned. Ouch!
- My Body Was Still Not My Own. By the end of my pregnancy, I longed to reclaim my body. But breastfeeding meant I was still just a food source for my baby, not a person in my own right.
- Pumping Was a Nightmare. No need to delve into the details—just know it was a hassle.
- I Had No Clue About His Intake. I was constantly guessing whether my son was getting enough milk. Was he hungry? Was he satisfied? I really had no idea.
- Hormonal Chaos. My emotions were all over the place—like I was experiencing a supercharged version of PMS.
- I Was on My Own. While my partner, Jake, wanted to support me, he couldn’t share the responsibility of feeding. The pressure of being the sole provider of nourishment felt overwhelming.
- Self-Consciousness Struck. I admire women who can breastfeed anywhere, but that was not me. I often hurried off to find a private spot when visitors arrived, which made for a lonely experience.
- Guilt Was My Constant Companion. Every feeding session left me questioning my abilities as a mother. Why wasn’t I enjoying this? It took time to realize I wasn’t a failure; I just struggled with this particular aspect of motherhood. Thankfully, I thrive in other areas.
Breastfeeding does not define your worth as a mother. Your choices are yours alone.
If you’re interested in exploring other aspects of parenthood, check out this insightful post on intracervicalinsemination.com. For the best fertility resources, visit makeamom.com and progyny.com.
In summary, while breastfeeding can be a beautiful experience for some, it can also be a source of stress and pain for others. Each mother’s journey is unique, and it is essential to find what works best for you and your child.