Parenting
by Emily Carter
Updated: Aug. 20, 2023
Originally Published: July 17, 2014
I spot you over there, shaking your head in silent disapproval as my son engages in a lively debate with me in public. I see you grimacing and rolling your eyes when he doesn’t conform to the expected norms of behavior in social settings. I notice you advising your child to avoid playing or interacting with mine, convinced he’s a troublemaker, a disrespectful kid, a problematic child.
My son, blissfully unaware of your scrutiny, is too engrossed in his own world to care about your opinions. But I see you. I see the judgment etched on your face.
Do you think I’m oblivious to your gaze? Do you assume that my love for my child pales in comparison to your affection for yours just because he has special needs? Do you believe that you and your child are somehow superior to me and mine simply because you don’t face the same challenges?
It takes immense strength for me to hold my tongue when I see you judging my child. I wish I could confront you openly, to say, “I see you! I see your judgment!” But unlike my son, who doesn’t hesitate to express himself, I prefer to avoid conflict. More importantly, I don’t want him to notice you at all. I want to shield him from the realization that some people view him as lacking in some way. He is perfectly content with who he is, blissfully unaware of any perceived shortcomings. I want to maintain that happiness for as long as I can.
Everyone has their own struggles; perfection is simply a myth. Maybe your flaw lies in judging others.
There’s so much about my child that you don’t see. You don’t witness the depth of his love for me, unwavering and genuine. You miss how fiercely protective he is of those he cares about, how devastated he would feel knowing your actions upset me. You’re unaware of his academic achievements, his impressive grades, and the joy he brings into our lives. You neglect to see that while he can be a handful at times, he is my child, and my love for him is as strong as his love for me. You haven’t experienced his humor, the unique perspective he brings to life that often leaves me laughing until tears stream down my face. You don’t see how deeply he feels emotions—both joy and pain.
No, you don’t see any of that because your focus is solely on the fact that he speaks a bit too loudly for your taste. You notice he’s distracted by a stray piece of lint on his shirt when he should be paying attention. You judge him for being emotional and easily upset.
Based on these observations, you’ve decided he’s a bad kid, unintelligent, and unworthy of your time or attention.
Well guess what? You’re not worthy of mine either.
My son is honest, authentic, and devoid of judgment toward others. He possesses empathy, compassion, and a genuine care for those around him. He strives to be the best version of himself without wasting time looking down on others. He is enjoying life and making the most of every moment.
Don’t you wish you could say the same?
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In summary, let’s remember that every child has their own unique journey, and judging them based on fleeting moments does not reflect their true spirit. We all have our challenges, and embracing empathy rather than judgment can lead us to a more understanding world.