So, did you catch wind of that café owner who got all worked up about a child making a mess on her floor? Or the restaurant that decided to ban kids after 7 PM? Seriously, what is that about? If you’re running a restaurant, you should expect a little chaos, especially when kids are involved, right?
I feel awful when my children turn into little tornadoes at the dinner table. But honestly, I’m often too busy trying to keep them in their seats and prevent them from wreaking havoc to realize how much we might be annoying the other diners and the staff. By the time we finally leave, I’m just relieved that it’s over.
So, even though this is a bit late, here’s my open letter of apology to any waiter who has had the pleasure of serving my family:
Dear overworked server,
Wow, we made it through that meal—just barely! I know this wasn’t the calm dining experience you had in mind when you started your shift, so I want to extend my sincerest apologies for all the chaos my family caused tonight. Here’s my list of regrets:
- I’m sorry my child decided to empty every single sugar packet onto the table. I tried to clean it up, but it’s hard when they’re all sticky and covered in drool.
- I apologize for laughing when you mentioned the cocktail specials. Believe me, I could use one—or six! But with my two little ones, I’ll have to wait at least 18 years to enjoy a drink in peace.
- I’m sorry if I embarrassed myself when I accidentally laughed too hard and, well, you know… let’s just say it’s a post-baby problem.
- I regret bringing my own snacks for the kids and taking up a larger table, even though I saw your enticing kids’ menu. My picky eaters wouldn’t touch chicken fingers or mac and cheese, so it was either that or a meltdown. If you ever consider adding peach yogurt or Pirate Booty to your menu, please let me know!
- I apologize for the mess we left behind for the next guests. They probably didn’t appreciate finding jelly on their knees. Yikes!
- I’m sorry my child decided to get a little too friendly with the grated cheese shaker. I promise I didn’t see it until it was too late; I was too busy stopping my youngest from dumping yogurt into my purse.
- I regret that my kid watched Caillou at full volume throughout the meal. Trust me, I have no idea why he’s still bald at four or why his mom is just called “Mommy.” And yes, this would’ve been the perfect moment for you to offer those cocktail specials again.
- I apologize for the mini explosion of snacks under my child’s highchair when we left. I assure you, we didn’t bring a piñata into the restaurant.
- I’m sorry for whatever “wall incident” occurred. It was not intentional, I promise!
- I regret that our rowdiness might have driven away the table of adults next to us. I mean, who wants to serve a bunch of stuffy diners anyway?
- I apologize for the look I gave you when you dared to mention dessert. We moms are pretty skilled at lip-reading, just so you know!
- I’m sorry for unbuttoning my pants at the table and forgetting about it when I stood up. I tried to dress nice but clearly made a mistake!
Well, that’s about it. I hope you enjoyed the generous tip we left to make up for the craziness. You truly earned every penny!
Looking forward to seeing you again next week!
Warmly,
A well-meaning but frazzled parent
Summary
This heartfelt apology from a parent to restaurant staff captures the chaotic reality of dining out with children. The author humorously acknowledges the messiness and unpredictability that comes with having kids in public spaces, while expressing genuine remorse for any inconvenience caused to the staff and other patrons.