It’s that time of year again! The thrill of back-to-school shopping is upon us. If you’re anything like me, you probably leave this somewhat daunting task until the last possible moment before your kids head back to school. But fear not! Here’s a straightforward, 18-step guide that will help you navigate this shopping adventure with your little ones in tow. Let’s make it enjoyable!
- Begin by downloading the supply list from your school’s website.
- Take a deep breath and let out a dramatic sigh.
- Gather your children and head to the nearest superstore, wearing comfortable shoes. A discreetly stashed water bottle filled with your favorite beverage is highly recommended.
- Make your way to the back-to-school aisle. If you can’t find it, look for brightly colored signs and a sense of impending doom.
- Pull out the supply list and a pen, ready to tackle this mission with utmost organization.
- Start with glue sticks. You need 12, but they only come in packs of 10. Try to convince your first child that this pack counts as 12. Discuss the likelihood of the teacher noticing the discrepancy. Get scolded by your child who suddenly becomes a stickler for the rules.
- Abort the mission when your second child suddenly declares they need to go to the bathroom, despite insisting moments earlier that they didn’t, even after polishing off a juice box.
- After a successful bathroom run, you find washable glue—only to realize it’s not Elmer’s, and the list specifically says “IT MUST BE ELMER’S.” It’s in ALL CAPS, so it must be important! Toss the generic glue into the cart, hoping for the best.
- The list calls for “SHARP 5-inch pointed Fiskars scissors.” Is it really necessary to specify “sharp”? Why the capital letters? I’m doing my best here, school supply list!
- Child #1 announces another urgent bathroom trip. Take a big swig from the “water” and head back to the restrooms.
- Return to the back-to-school section hunting for three packs of Crayola crayons, 24 count. Why not just buy a pack of 64? Because your second child needs 72 crayons, obviously a crucial number for kindergarten success.
- Start to suspect that the school system is colluding with retailers to drive parents to the brink of insanity.
- Attempt to guide Child #1 towards a simple plastic pencil box. Brace yourself for the eye rolls as she demands a zebra-print, voice-activated box that dispenses candy. Stand firm as the tears begin.
- After a bit of a hunt, you successfully find watercolor paints and dry-erase markers. Feel a moment of pride as you compare yourself to other parents in the store.
- With only two items left on the list, take a celebratory sip from your water bottle.
- As you approach the eraser section, you find a latex-free Pink Pearl. You chuckle at the word “latex,” but quickly realize there are no pink ones left—only blue and a SpongeBob-shaped eraser. Not acceptable for an 11-year-old girl.
- Negotiate with Child #1: agree to the zebra-print pencil box if she takes the SpongeBob eraser. Accept that the balance of power has shifted.
- Finally, you locate the unsharpened pencils. Spy a box of sharpened ones, open it, and break the sharpened tips off all 24 while the kids look on in disbelief. Calmly return the now unsharpened pencils to the box, toss them in the cart, and head to checkout.
Congratulations! You’ve done it! You’ve successfully procured nearly everything on the list while avoiding a catastrophic meltdown. Yes, you spent two hours in the store and forgot to grab dinner ingredients, but that just means Chinese takeout for everyone. Cheers to that!
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Summary
Navigating back-to-school shopping doesn’t have to be a nightmare. With this step-by-step guide, you can tackle the chaos with humor and a little bit of patience. From glue sticks to crayons, you’ll get through it all, possibly with a few detours and negotiations along the way. And when it’s all said and done, celebrate your victory with takeout!