In Favor of Allowing Your Baby to Cry It Out

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I’ll be upfront: I let my baby cry. I won’t dress it up as “Sleep Training” or get into the technicalities of “CIO.” I let my little one cry so she could learn to drift off to sleep independently. It was excruciating, without a doubt the toughest moment I faced as a mother, but it proved to be essential.

One December evening, while my husband was on a work trip, my mom came over to help me manage the chaos of being a sleep-deprived parent to a sleep-deprived baby. And I don’t just mean the typical exhaustion that comes with having a newborn; this had been an exceptionally rough month, worsened by the notorious 4-month sleep regression (just typing that gives me chills), and I needed support.

My daughter, Lily, simply wouldn’t sleep. On average, it took two hours each night to coax her to sleep. She would doze off while nursing, and then as soon as I placed her in her crib, she would wake up and we’d have to start the entire process again. Once I finally got her down, she would wake up every hour or so throughout the night. It was exhausting.

Both Lily and I were in dire need of quality sleep, and it was clear that wasn’t happening. Thus, I made the decision to teach my baby how to fall asleep on her own. I understood it would be a challenge, but I likened it to taking her for vaccinations — she would cry (and so would I), but it was for her good. It was time to remove the training wheels.

On that first night, Lily cried for 25 minutes. While my mom kept an eye on the baby monitor, I found myself sobbing in the shower. I felt like the worst mother ever, convinced I was abandoning my baby. My mom reassured me, saying, “We know she’s not hungry, and her diaper is clean. She’s safe.” True, but all she wanted was me. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces and I was overwhelmed with despair.

Just when I thought I couldn’t endure it any longer, my little girl stopped crying and fell asleep. But instead of feeling relieved, I was filled with guilt and sadness. I worried she would be emotionally scarred and that our bond would suffer irreparably. The tears continued.

After a restless night for me (but not for her), I rushed to her crib the following morning as soon as she woke up. I wanted to scoop her up and apologize repeatedly, reassuring her of my endless love.

When I entered her nursery, I was met with her joyful smile. How could she be happy? Wasn’t she still upset with me? To my surprise, she was just cheerful and well-rested.

Each subsequent night improved, with less crying. Knowing we would face the initial struggle again motivated me through the next few nights. They were still tough, and I still cried as my mom monitored the baby, but every morning, Lily greeted me with a smile.

Of course, we still have challenging nights, and naps aren’t flawless, but she’s become a much better sleeper and a much happier baby overall.

Five Reasons Why I Chose to Let My Baby Cry

1. We both needed sleep. It’s obvious, right? As mothers, we often put our children’s needs first, even if it means sacrificing our rest. While I could manage on little sleep, Lily also required quality sleep, which she wasn’t getting. She was cranky and overtired, and more than anything, she needed her rest.
2. Co-sleeping didn’t work for us. In a desperate attempt to help Lily sleep, I decided to try co-sleeping. I knew families that swore by it, but when I finally tried it, it didn’t go as planned. After an hour of nursing and comforting her, I lay down beside her, creating a makeshift barrier. But instead of sleeping, I found myself wide awake, and Lily was ready to play. Epic fail.
3. I missed my partner. Having a baby changes everything, especially in a marriage. When our baby wouldn’t sleep, my husband became more of a roommate than a partner. I felt disconnected, missing the intimate moments we used to share.
4. I needed time for myself. I cherish my moments with Lily as a stay-at-home mom, but I also value my alone time. On tough days, I’d eagerly anticipate bath time, knowing it meant I could unwind with a glass of wine and my favorite show. It was comforting to know my baby was peacefully sleeping in her nursery.
5. It was the best choice for us. I recognize this topic is controversial. Some mothers understand the reasoning, while others may view it as selfish or cruel. However, allowing Lily to learn to sleep independently was the right decision for us. She was ready, and deep down, I knew it.

As new mothers, we’re bombarded with advice on the “right” way to do things, especially when it comes to sleep. Everyone has their own stories, but what ultimately worked for us was tuning out the noise, trusting my instincts, and listening to the true expert: my daughter.

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Summary

Letting your baby cry can be a difficult but necessary step in teaching them to fall asleep independently. While it can feel emotionally taxing for parents, the benefits often outweigh the initial struggles. With time, patience, and love, both mother and baby can find joy and restfulness in a better sleep routine.