Your cart is currently empty!
You Might Be a Parent If…
You know you’re a parent when you can simultaneously sauté ground beef, prepare drinks, and chop vegetables—all while balancing a baby on your hip and dodging a couple of toddlers who are impatiently waiting for their milk.
You can pause mid-meal to change a diaper and then seamlessly return to your dinner as if nothing happened.
When your child suddenly remembers they need snacks for a school event tomorrow, you can whip up six dozen cookies without breaking a sweat.
You have no qualms about catching vomit with your bare hands.
You can take a catnap on the couch while still being aware of your kids’ antics, even with your eyes shut.
Dining out with your little ones often means spending more time in the restroom than at the table.
You have a collection of movie quotes ready to answer their endless questions.
Big boogers don’t faze you; you’ll pick them and wipe them on your pants without a second thought.
You meticulously schedule well-child checkups months in advance but completely forget to book your own annual doctor visit.
You can brush your teeth while simultaneously holding your three-year-old’s little boy part during potty time.
While you might forget your grocery list, you can easily recall where your daughter’s red sparkly headband from three weeks ago is located.
Laundry? It’s a never-ending cycle that makes you contemplate converting your home into a nudist colony.
You can manage two different board games at once, all while keeping up with your Words With Friends matches—and somehow win them all.
Your most commonly used phrases include “please don’t put your finger there,” “boogers aren’t a food group,” and “no, I don’t want to smell that.”
Forget beer can towers; your living room is now adorned with creative masterpieces crafted from art supplies that would likely require a hazmat suit to clean up.
No matter how often you scrub it, your bathroom perpetually has a faint whiff of pee.
You can change a diaper in total darkness without leaving a trace—except for that lingering odor that only bleach or amputation can fix.
You can navigate through a dark bedroom without stepping on a single Lego, but in broad daylight, it feels like a death trap.
You’ve no problem taking a glass of wine and your phone into the bathroom for a few precious moments of peace, regardless of whether you actually need to use it.
Laundry days are dictated by overflowing hampers rather than the desire to wear that favorite shirt out.
You can discuss your child’s vomit over dinner and munch away as if you’re discussing a sunny day.
You attempt math homework with your kids, even if you don’t always succeed.
You embrace the chaos of glitter.
And yes, your conversations often revolve around poop, farts, burps, and boogers.
While some of these experiences may not be particularly glamorous (I, for one, could do without the vomit), you wouldn’t trade them for anything… except maybe the occasional wall graffiti from a diaper explosion.
For more relatable parenting content, check out this post on home insemination, which shares stories of journeys into parenthood. And if you’re looking for resources on artificial insemination, Make a Mom offers valuable information. Additionally, News Medical is a great resource for pregnancy and home insemination topics.
Summary:
Being a parent is a wild ride filled with amusing and chaotic moments. From juggling multiple tasks while holding a baby to discussing less-than-pleasant topics over dinner, the journey is anything but boring. Even though some challenges, like laundry and diaper changes, can be overwhelming, the joy of parenthood makes it all worthwhile.