There’s something I need to share, a secret I haven’t told many: you’re not my first baby. Before you, there was another child. I was young and found myself in a situation where I couldn’t provide the care he needed, so I made the heartbreaking choice to let him go to a loving family who was ready to embrace him with open arms.
The moment I carried him inside me was filled with a bittersweet ache, knowing he would never truly belong to me. I convinced myself that my bond with him was stronger than the ties he would form with his new parents, but deep down, I knew that he would belong to them. They would be the ones to nurture him, to hear his laughter, and to comfort him when he cried. I would always be his birth mother, but he would never call me “Mom.”
In the whirlwind of the hospital, I caught a fleeting glimpse of him, and in that instant, I fell utterly in love. This tiny being, who had grown within me, was now on his own, looking up at me with eyes that I had watched develop from the inside. He was my companion during those lonely, emotional months, and now he was leaving to create a life with someone else. My heart was filled with jealousy and sadness for the woman who would get to hold him, teach him, and worry about him as he grew up.
I worried that he might think my love was merely physical, that I had simply waited for him to leave my life. But the truth is, my love for him was profound and selfless—I let him go so he could have the best life possible. Since that day, not a single day has passed without thoughts of him. Where is he now? Is he happy? Will I ever cross paths with him again?
Fast forward six years, and here I am, gazing at you. You’ve just entered this world, and I’m captivated by your beautiful eyes, which have come from me. Your arrival is the result of choices made with intention and hope, unlike the circumstances surrounding your older brother.
My love for him was a painful, desperate yearning, while now I find peace in the love I have for you. You are mine to cherish, to guide, and to nurture. As I look at you, I feel a sense of fulfillment. You are the child I get to keep, the one I will guide through life’s challenges and joys.
Both of you have forever changed my existence. You spent those months within me, and now you will grow up under my care. I will always worry about you, ensuring you wear your jacket on chilly days and make good choices. I’m grateful to have the chance to raise you and be your mom.
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In summary, navigating the complexities of motherhood has brought me both heartache and joy. My experiences with both you and your older brother have given me a profound understanding of love, sacrifice, and the true essence of family.