Parenting
Just yesterday, I made a significant decision. I’m done with yelling—for good.
It’s been a full 24 hours since my resolution, and during that time, I’ve been acutely aware of every word I’ve spoken. This reflection gave me the chance to analyze the five W’s: who, what, when, where, and why I find myself raising my voice. The insights I uncovered were quite revealing.
Let’s start with the “who.” Who is it that drives me to yell? The answer may seem obvious—my kids! But here’s the twist: it’s not really them. I’ve become quite adept at blaming them for my frustrations. No one forces me to raise my voice; I let myself lose control. I’m the one relinquishing my calm. Ugh.
Now onto the “what.” What triggers my yelling? Surprisingly, it’s largely situations that complicate my time or finances. For instance, when powdered sugar spills on the kitchen counter, I suddenly find myself scrambling to clean it up—time I had planned for something more enjoyable, like scrolling my social media feed. I shout in frustration, “I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?”
If it’s not about the mess, it’s often regarding something that’s broken—a picture frame, a lamp, or a DVD player. “Do you have any idea how hard I work to pay for that? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?” Most of my outbursts stem from the underlying issue of not following instructions. “IF YOU HAD JUST LISTENED, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!”
The “when” and “where” aspects are closely tied to my outbursts. I find myself overwhelmed most often during three scenarios: getting into the car, mealtime chaos, and when I’m glued to my computer or phone.
This brings me to the most pivotal W: the “why.” Why do I raise my voice? Initially, I thought it was because my kids were being difficult. Wrong again—it’s actually about me. There are three main reasons behind my yelling:
- Laziness: How often do I call up the stairs for the kids? If they’re quiet, I hesitate to check on them, and then I’m met with water dripping from the ceiling because they decided to fill the bathtub. All because I was too lazy to walk up and see what was happening.
- Poor Planning: When I haven’t prepped for dinner and it’s 6 PM, the kids are starving and asking for food. I lash out, “IF YOU WOULD JUST LET ME COOK, I COULD FEED YOU!” And of course, they end up making a mess while I’m preoccupied.
- Unreasonable Expectations: I have five kids under ten. Expecting them to get into the car and buckle up in under three minutes is unrealistic. They need time and attention, and when they act out, they’re just being kids—not defying me intentionally.
So, what’s wrong with my kids? Nothing at all. The real issues lie with me. But starting now, I’m committing to a yelling-free approach to parenting.
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In summary, my journey to eliminate yelling from my parenting has unveiled the underlying reasons for my frustrations. It’s time for a change, and I’m ready to embrace it.