Nestled in the charming town of Wilmington, North Carolina, we find ourselves in a picturesque riverfront community that embodies Southern charm without the weight of excess. The views of the Cape Fear River are breathtaking, and with beaches nearby and a lively nightlife, it’s a hub for weddings. We often see riverboats hosting parties, brides twirling in white gowns, and groups of revelers celebrating in their stylish dresses and ballet flats.
Just two weekends ago, my husband and I enjoyed a sunny afternoon with our children at a local brewery when a lively group of wedding-goers arrived. They were cheerful and engrossed in a debate about the timing of the ceremony. Their youth, beauty, and charm reminded me of simpler times.
I turned to my husband and asked, “Do you recall when we attended weddings every weekend? When that was us?” We exchanged a light touch before our toddler attempted to hurl rocks at passing vehicles.
A week later, I spent time with friends, engaging in heartfelt conversations over two days. While I cherished these connections, my heart felt heavy as the discussions repeatedly circled back to one word: divorce.
It struck me that many women I know are navigating a tumultuous period of transformation. We’ve transitioned from carefree weekends immersed in coupledom to grappling with our identities and questioning the stability of our marriages. At this stage in life, many of us find ourselves pondering two significant questions: 1) Would I be happier outside of this marriage? and 2) Am I demonstrating a healthy relationship for my children? The uncertainty weighs heavily on us.
Marriage feels burdensome right now.
As we look ahead to the future, we cling to remnants of the past. Mistakes and hurtful words linger in our minds, yet we yearn for a future filled with hope, exotic vacations, and the lifestyle we once envisioned. As we approach the golden years, we can almost feel the warmth of free time on the horizon, though we often struggle to carve out moments for ourselves.
Our journeys through motherhood are changing us, and while our self-confidence grows, we still crave reassurance. We long for someone to embrace us and say, “You are incredible. I love you just as you are.”
Life feels overwhelming at the moment, filled with school drop-offs, sports schedules, and the demands of daily routines. We yearn for our partners to inject some fun into this chaos.
We’ve faced numerous transitions, and exhaustion is setting in. Each day presents new emotional demands, lessons to impart, and minor crises to address. We desire to feel attractive and passionate, yet we often find ourselves wiping away messes and carrying muddy kids in from the rain.
Life is undoubtedly challenging right now. It’s a beautiful, messy adventure, but in the chaos, our marriages can sometimes feel neglected or even at risk.
Transition periods are never easy, especially as we navigate the shift from the demanding newborn stage to the somewhat more manageable preschool and early elementary years. Parenting itself is a constant evolution.
What I know for certain is that maintaining a marriage requires effort from both partners. At times, it can feel like caring for an infant: nurturing it, providing for it, and striving for a fresh start, even when it feels like the work is never-ending.
Just as raising a child demands commitment, so does marriage. We must push through the difficult times, believing that with patience, our relationships can deepen and flourish.
I often wish the men in our lives could fully comprehend the emotional shifts we experience. I want to shake them and urge, “Please, just hug us more, pitch in with dinner occasionally, and love us. Ask us questions, show genuine interest, and love us.”
For my friends, the path forward is unclear. Unless there’s abuse or infidelity, knowing when to walk away is difficult. Like the beautiful riverboats that glide by, those who seem to have idyllic unions may still have murky waters beneath the surface.
While I cherish my loving relationship and know we are both committed to making it work, I must admit that it can feel burdensome at times. Yet, I also recognize that my marriage brings me joy and a sense of fulfillment like nothing else. I plan to nurture this bond through the transitions and anticipate the bright future ahead. I want to encourage our partners to embrace this journey and treat marriage as a cherished child.
This article originally appeared on Oct. 14, 2014.
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Summary
Navigating the complexities of marriage can often feel burdensome, especially as life transitions and motherhood bring new challenges. Women are grappling with their identities, the stability of their relationships, and the desire for connection and reassurance from their partners. While marriage requires effort and commitment, it can also bring immense joy and fulfillment. It’s essential to communicate openly and nurture both the relationship and oneself through the ups and downs of life.