Family dynamics can take many forms, and for me, having two dads is simply how my family is structured. My name is Mia, and I adore my dads—each of whom brings a unique love and support into my life. My children also cherish their grandpas, and the bond they share is filled with affection. Like any family, we navigate our challenges, but ultimately, my dads are my dads, and love knows no bounds.
Growing Up
Raised in a small town in Iowa during the early 1980s, I faced the reality of societal norms that didn’t always embrace diversity. My father came out to me during a time when being different was often met with hostility. He had initially confided in my mother in the early ’70s, but they chose to stay married and keep his sexuality hidden to shield our family from the potential backlash that could affect us both personally and professionally.
The hardest part was not just learning the truth about my parents’ marriage but also having to keep it a secret. When I started dating, I had to cleverly gauge how accepting my partners would be of my father’s identity without outright revealing it. I became adept at using pop culture references to test their reactions, often mentioning films with LGBTQ+ leads while browsing in video rental stores (yes, those were a thing back then!).
A Supportive Community
After my parents divorced and my dad came out publicly in the late ’80s, he faced some terrifying hate crimes. His university office was vandalized, his computer destroyed, and hateful messages were scrawled on his walls. It was a stark reminder of why they had kept things quiet for so long; they were trying to protect me. Yet, my father was a beloved figure at his university, and students rallied around him, organizing protests in his support.
Today, having a gay father is as commonplace as having a straight one. My dad’s partner has been my stepfather for years, and he is just as integral to our family as any stepmother could be. When gay marriage was legalized in Iowa, my dads joyfully tied the knot, and we all celebrated the moment. Unsurprisingly, my husband, kids, and I are staunch advocates for marriage equality; we participated in many marches in Minnesota leading up to the legislation.
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In summary, family comes in many shapes and sizes, and love is what truly binds us together. My experience has taught me that acceptance and support can create a nurturing environment, regardless of how unconventional it may seem.