Updated: Sep. 12, 2017 | Originally Published: Oct. 30, 2014
Since becoming a parent, I’ve found myself uttering phrases I never thought I would. Motherhood has led me to ask the most nonsensical questions and make the most pointless statements imaginable. Sometimes, I finish saying something and think, “What was that even supposed to convey?” Here are just a few gems I’ve shared recently:
- “If you don’t put your shoes on, I’m leaving without you.” Seriously, where could I possibly go without her? I can only venture into the backyard or the garage—hardly thrilling.
- “Do you want me to spank you?” I mean, who actually says yes to that question?
- “If you don’t clean up that mess, you’re going straight to bed.” It’s only two in the afternoon!
- “If you keep that up, I’m turning this car around and heading home.” This threat seems to only surface when we’re on our way to necessary places like the doctor or preschool.
- “You have 30 seconds to tidy those toys, or I’m tossing them all away.” Honestly, throwing away all those toys sounds like way too much effort for me.
- “If you don’t eat, I won’t give you any more dinner.” Makes zero sense yet here I am saying it.
- “I’m going to count to three, and you better stop, or else.” Even I’m not sure what “or else” means.
- “Are you trying to make me mad?” Silly me—my toddlers aren’t plotting against me; they just ignore me until I feel like my head might spin.
- “If you don’t start listening, I’m going to stop talking.” Said to the little ones who are definitely not listening.
- “If you don’t stop playing with your food, I’m taking it away.” If they aren’t eating, it’s likely they’re not hungry anyway—duh!
I guess I’ll have to up my parenting game as they grow older and realize that they’ve often held the upper hand. Until then, they have 30 seconds or else…
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In summary, parenting can lead to some hilariously absurd moments filled with ridiculous statements. It’s all part of the journey, and we have to laugh at ourselves along the way.