My partner, Alex, and I always envisioned a future filled with children. We often discussed our dreams of parenthood, eager to expand our family after a few years of marriage. Everything changed drastically when he proposed, and our future suddenly felt more tangible than ever.
However, the very next day, I received a heart-stopping call. Alex had collapsed during a company softball game and was en route to the hospital. It was in the emergency room, searching for him, that I first referred to myself as his fiancée. Shortly after, we learned the devastating news: a CT scan revealed cancerous tumors in his brain.
Just ten days after our engagement, we found ourselves in a meeting with his parents and a social worker, who explained the looming treatments—chemotherapy, radiation, and clinical trials. It was during this meeting that the topic of fertility preservation arose. Before I could fully process it, my future mother-in-law chimed in, “Yes, they definitely want children.”
And just like that, we made a pivotal decision. Over the following week, Alex made the maximum allowable sperm deposits, which were frozen for possible future use. Meanwhile, I began my research into egg freezing. I discovered that freezing embryos had a higher success rate compared to freezing eggs alone, so we decided to find a fertility clinic and get started promptly.
Fortunately, Alex’s health improved. As we navigated through genetic testing, legal requirements, physical exams, and STD screenings, our wedding approached. Shortly after tying the knot, we began our journey to parenthood.
The first round of fertility treatments yielded a total of 12 viable eggs, which resulted in eight healthy embryos. Our fertility specialist implanted two embryos into my uterus and preserved the remaining six for later. We faced uncertainty regarding whether we could conceive naturally, as chemotherapy can severely impact sperm production. We understood that the sperm samples Alex provided might be our only chance for children.
We were incredibly fortunate: both embryos took, leading us to the joyous arrival of our twin girls after 35 weeks. The clinic kept our other embryos safe in storage, sending us annual reminders about maintaining their storage. Each year, we debated our options—whether we wanted more children, whether we would go through IVF again.
As luck would have it, Alex’s fertility returned to normal after his treatment. We were blessed to conceive our third child naturally, without medical intervention. Yet, the clinic once again inquired about our plans for the remaining embryos.
After much consideration, we decided to stop expanding our family due to the complications I faced during my second pregnancy. This left us with a moral dilemma: the legal restrictions on what we could do with our frozen embryos. We couldn’t donate them, and the cost of transporting them for research was prohibitive. The simplest option was to have them destroyed, which was an emotionally painful choice. Though I don’t view an embryo as a living person, it represents potential life—part of both Alex and me, part of our family.
The thought of those six embryos lost still weighs on my heart. I often wish we could have donated them to another couple seeking to start their family. Navigating the intricacies of egg and embryo freezing brought unforeseen emotional challenges and complex philosophical questions. I have no regrets, but I wish I had connected with others who experienced similar journeys before making these significant decisions.
For those considering fertility preservation, it’s crucial to think not only about the potential children but also about what happens at the end of that journey. Prepare for the possibility of grief, even amid the joy that parenthood brings.
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In summary, fertility preservation is not just a medical procedure; it’s an emotional journey laden with decisions that can impact your future in profound ways. Always be prepared for the complexities that come with it.