Most parents likely feel a sense of dread when it’s time to discuss sex with their teens. I never received “the talk” from my mom. Perhaps she believed I wasn’t sexually active, or maybe she was oblivious to my dating life. My first visit to the gynecologist occurred when I was eight weeks pregnant. Talk about a mortifying experience! I was 20, never had an exam before, and already in a delicate situation. I cried throughout the entire appointment.
It would be easy to point fingers at my parents for my predicament. My mother never discussed birth control, and like many teenagers, I thought I was invincible. I was an intelligent girl, aware of where babies come from, yet I took risks. Nine months later, I had a child with someone I barely knew. Although having that baby was the best decision of my life and shaped who I am today, it was a tough journey for quite some time.
Fast forward sixteen years, and that baby has grown into a tall, witty, and bright young man. Until recently, relationships with teenage girls seemed trivial to him, but he’s recently developed feelings for a girl he’s known since middle school. They make a lovely couple—she’s brilliant and quirky while he’s charming and thoughtful. I’m thrilled for their budding romance… until I walked into the living room and found them snuggled up on the couch, completely engrossed in each other.
I was taken aback. Trying to be diplomatic, I stomped toward them to give them a chance to separate, but to my surprise, they didn’t budge. “Inappropriate!” I exclaimed, not quite knowing how to handle the situation. They sat up reluctantly, and the moment I left the room, they were back at it. We’ve had discussions about sex, but I felt like we hadn’t adequately prepared him for these moments.
We maintain an open line of communication with our son. He knows he can talk to us about anything without fear of judgment, whether it’s about his sexuality or personal struggles. He understands that college isn’t the only path to a fulfilling life, as long as he pursues his passions. And, of course, we’ve emphasized the importance of using protection.
The conversations have been light-hearted, which has helped, but I realized that just knowing about safe sex isn’t enough. My husband and I mulled over why teens sometimes fail to use common sense in these situations, and I believe it goes beyond simply being caught up in the moment—there’s a lack of comfort and preparedness.
Now that I’m in my thirties, it’s easy to casually tell him to just use a condom. However, that doesn’t truly equip him for the moment he needs to make that choice. Just as soldiers undergo rigorous training before battle, we need to prepare our children for potentially risky situations.
We sat our son down for what was sure to be an awkward conversation about his behavior with his girlfriend. I warned him to keep his comments to a minimum. I explained that while their actions were relatively normal, they were quite disrespectful considering I was just a few feet away watching TV. He’s my baby boy, and I shouldn’t have to witness him in such compromising moments.
Then we discussed next steps. Although he and his girlfriend had agreed to keep things simple for now, there might come a time when they’ll want to take things further. Responsible parents often take their daughters to the gynecologist for birth control; what should responsible parents do for their sons? I instructed him to visit a pharmacy and purchase condoms, encouraging him to learn how to use them correctly. If he needed guidance, his dad was there to help. Lastly, I asked him to report back once he completed this task.
At first, he didn’t grasp the importance of the exercise, and I could see the panic in his eyes when I mentioned buying condoms and even the topic of masturbation. I pointed out that girls undergo uncomfortable exams and have to manage various forms of birth control. “The least you can do is take a few minutes to figure out how a condom works,” I said, acknowledging that his part was much easier.
Two days later, I was pleasantly surprised when he revealed that he had bought condoms. I awkwardly inquired if he had practiced using them, and despite the discomfort of the conversation, it was a crucial part of the preparation process. He nodded in response, and we left it at that.
I no longer fret about the moment my son will have sex for the first time. As a mother who believes premarital sex is natural and acceptable, I’ve done my part to equip him for that experience.
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Summary:
Discussing sex with a teenage son can be daunting for parents, but open communication is vital. It’s crucial to prepare them for real-life situations, just as soldiers are trained for battle. By addressing boundaries and emphasizing the responsibility that comes with sexual activity, parents can help their children navigate these experiences with confidence.