I find myself wishing for a public school that’s already thriving rather than one that’s merely improving. Of all the alternatives available—like relocating, private schooling, or parochial options—the only realistic choice seems to be home schooling. Although I admire home schooling, it would mean I would be the one teaching, and frankly, I’m not keen on that.
So, I’ve reassured myself that enrolling our children in the gradually improving public school is a good plan, and we’ll simply be highly engaged parents. We’ll fundraise, organize enrichment activities (which I envision as something indulgent like “enriching with butter”), and shuttle them to after-school coding camps while mixing bedtime stories with Mandarin vocabulary. In essence, we’ll be hovering parents. As I pondered this, I realized I was essentially setting us up for a situation that combines public schooling with home schooling.
Recently, Mia Thompson, a writer and mother who has lived in both France and the U.S., shared insights in a piece on Quartz titled “France’s Simple Solution to Curbing Helicopter Parents Makes Life Better for Women.” Adopting a more “French” parenting style would require me to challenge every aspect of our culture on my own.
The article highlights the structure of the French school day, which is longer than the average American school day (from 8:20 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.), serves as a childcare solution, offers delicious, healthy lunches, and includes after-school classes and sports twice a week. Thompson points out that helicopter parenting is rampant in the U.S. but virtually absent in France. French parents can’t contact their children’s teachers at will, and they aren’t expected to volunteer or fundraise during work hours. They can go to work confident that their children are receiving quality care, education, and nutrition. After all, as Thompson notes, “public school is not supposed to be half home-schooling.”
This perspective resonates with many parents like myself. However, I often think, albeit with a hint of bitterness, that it’s easy for France to have it all figured out. Pamela Jenkins’ in-depth exploration of parenting in France versus the U.S., Raising Children the French Way, was released around the time I became a parent and started to think about how I wanted to raise my kids. This book provided an interesting look at a different cultural approach, but as a practical guide, it fell short. To parent my child in a more “French” manner would mean completely bucking our culture on my own. Just try to object to the nearly daily sugary treats at preschool—it’s always someone’s birthday—and see how that goes over. Or attempt to mandate a structured snack time when other kids are snacking on Goldfish and Cheerios throughout the day.
Public schools in America are notoriously inconsistent; the disparity between our top and bottom-performing students is staggering. The schools deemed “good,” often located in affluent areas, thrive because they have engaged and wealthy parent groups. For those of us in middle or lower-income brackets, attending subpar schools means our children’s educational success hinges on our commitment to fundraising, tutoring, and collaborating with teachers. A third of fourth graders in the U.S. cannot read at grade level. The issue isn’t that I’m an overly involved mother; rather, it’s a sign of a deeply flawed educational system.
Thompson addresses this issue, stating, “In structural terms, mothers are being conscripted out of work and a life beyond their maternal roles. They are then pushed into a school system that is deprived of funding, teachers, and basic resources. This is a result of societal attitudes that undervalue quality public education.”
Yet, why don’t more Americans consider increasing taxes to support better education and childcare instead of relying on mothers? When local schools are inadequate and the cost of not attending college is high, mothers will do whatever it takes to secure their children’s futures.
It’s frustrating that this country offers so little support for families and sets such low expectations for public education. It seems that those opposed to initiatives like universal, high-quality daycare are often the ones who have already benefited from the system.
Thompson suggests that mothers should invest their time in their own careers and personal pursuits or even advocate for improved childcare and educational options for everyone. While this is a commendable idea, it doesn’t resonate with parents like myself, who feel that our involvement in our children’s education is crucial to preventing them from falling behind. American parents are unlikely to step back from managing their children’s education unless there’s a significant improvement in school quality.
The headline “France’s Simple Solution to Curbing Helicopter Parents” is somewhat amusing. Revamping our educational system, childcare infrastructure, parental leave policies, and overall cultural attitudes is anything but simple. While I appreciate the need to examine what other countries are doing well, it’s disheartening when individuals like Thompson subtly blame mothers by labeling them as “overbearing” or “helicoptering.” Such terms shift the focus away from the systemic issues at play. When faced with subpar education and the high stakes associated with not pursuing higher education, mothers will go to great lengths to ensure their children succeed—that’s simply part of our role.
Yes, we should be advocating for longer school days, equitable funding for all schools, social programs that combat poverty, and well-trained, well-compensated teachers. However, it’s vital to stop framing this issue as solely a “mother problem.” The narrative often implies that “kids need to learn independence without their mothers hovering,” which perpetuates stereotypes about anxious women rather than addressing a collective concern.
In summary, the current state of public education in the U.S. necessitates a robust examination of its funding and structure. While it’s essential to draw inspiration from other countries, we must recognize the systemic issues at play rather than placing the burden on mothers who are simply trying to secure the best future for their children.
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